(MY SEAT – 1st book in the “Learning to Live From The Kingdom” series)
Chapter 21 – Identity
Our actual and real Identity may not be anything similar to who we see ourselves as right now. We can be completely wrong in our self-image and while we are wrong we won’t experience the life that Father God intended for us.
So, how can we be completely wrong? Because the real you and the real me was created the moment God envisioned us. He created every detail, every character trait, and every nuance of your personality and mine. And it was good.
At that moment there was nothing about us that was off-whack, twisted, broken or damaged. We were perfect.
However, the perfection of us in that moment may also not be something that we can actually see right now. And that’s because our idea of perfection may be completely off-whack.
All the things you think are good about yourself, may not be your perfections. And all the things you think are wrong may be strengths that are simply out of focus.
The only person who knows exactly who we are is Father God. And that’s because He did the creating part. He’s the one who put in a dash of this and a dollop of that. And He thought the finished product was breathtakingly beautiful. Just as beautiful as every other thing He has created. And that’s because He really doesn’t know how to make junk.
So, bottom-line is that we must see what He saw at that moment before we can embrace who we really are.
You think what He created isn’t there anymore? Ha! Oh, yes, it is. Evil can never actually destroy anything that God creates. It twists and warps and makes things look horrible. But it’s only a game of smoke and mirrors. And that’s because God is the only Truth that ever existed. Therefore, what He does and what He makes endures forever.
OK, so that leaves us wondering who we are. It’s the question people spend their whole lives chasing the answer. And the answer is pretty simple to find really. It simply requires that we see ourselves through His eyes. And to do that we have to have a relationship with Him. An intimate one.
His eyes aren’t available without intimacy. So, that has to be in place.
Next, simply ask to see what He sees. And then pay attention to things He will show you in the following weeks.
The first time I asked Him, I thought nothing happened for a couple weeks. So, I asked again. Still nothing for a while. Then one day when I was sitting with my eyes closed feeling His sweetness and loving the moment, something flashed across my imagination.
At first, I ignored it because … well, we learn to ignore our imaginations. We blow off things that float around in there. And when I opened my eyes and stood up to go to the kitchen and start dinner, I didn’t realize that I’d missed something. But as I was cutting vegetables, I remembered that I’d seen a flash of something. But what I really remembered was only the sensation of beauty. I couldn’t actually remember the scene. Except, I knew there’d been one. And I couldn’t pull it back. I couldn’t remember what it was.
So, I asked Father to help me, to bring it back. And within a few minutes, as I went ahead with dinner, it flashed again.
I stopped what I was doing and tried to grab the picture in my mind and hold it so I could study it. And I had to ask for His help to do that. Finally, I had it. And I stared at it.
It was a beautiful sage green duchess-silk material like the kind used in some wedding gowns. And it was so soft that I knew it would feel like a baby’s cheek against my skin. I remembered drawing in my breath and thinking how beautiful it was, then wondering what the garment was.
The scene zoomed outward a bit until I saw the whole thing and that it was on me. I was wearing it. And it had cuffs in the bell sleeves and on the neckline and hem that were cream color and had tiny little words written in pure, gold thread.
I literally gasped and put my hand over my mouth with the awe of its fabulousness.
That vision expanded as I could bear to ask for more and I won’t go into all the details now, but Father made a point to tell me that every thread, every design, and every color was chosen by Him specifically for me. There was no other gown exactly like it anywhere in Heaven or on Earth. Then He told me to start searching the internet for meanings in the colors. And that led to a more awe-inspiring revelation.
My point is not specifically for you to see what you are wearing spiritually, but to see what Father sees when He looks at you. It took me several days to absorb what I was seeing because it wasn’t easy to accept.
All of us see ourselves as much less than what Father created. Even the most arrogant person you know cannot match the things Father creates. He is lavish, opulent, and awesomely extravagant. Why not? He’s God.
Even though my first awe was a reaction to the clothing and accessories, I found as days and weeks went by and I saw more revelation, the real amazement wasn’t the display, but the person He’d created. The skills and gifts I’d taken for granted, or not even realized were there. The personality quirks that He saw as enchanting and unique and I’d always wondered why I had them.
Father had spared no amount of attention and thought into the process of creating me. And He did the same when He created you. I believe that as we see and absorb the whole package of our creation, we finally begin to know who we really are.
And it doesn’t stop there. Then He showed me what my gifts made me capable of doing and how simple some of them may have looked to me before (if I’d ever seen them before) but how much meaning and purpose they had in His intention. Nothing can be taken for granted or reduced to minutiae in His eyes.
It’s now time to take myself seriously and even appreciatively. I have a job to do and I’m the only one who will do it. So, do you.
Seeing all the pieces was a process that took me a couple of years. Plus, He gave me gifts during that time, and I acquired rewards that I didn’t possess before. I spent a lot of time in tears, overwhelmed, joyful and more humbled than I’ve ever known.
And yet, as the process continued, my self-esteem changed. This doesn’t make a person arrogant. If anything, it’s one of the most humbling experiences I know. But at the same time, my self-image has as a by-product solidified into something I never expected. I know who I am. And that doesn’t make me proud, it makes me sure. I know exactly who He made me be. And I have nothing to be ashamed of.
This is His creation. Not mine. I can’t take credit for any of it. Nor can I regret one piece. Because He also showed me how He’s integrated the battles I’ve endured and the trials I’ve suffered. And what He does with those is to create more beauty. There is nothing-missing and nothing-broken in me, in His estimation and His view. And if I see brokenness, then it’s my eye-sight that needs healing.
What I see, and what I believe, is exactly who I will portray here on the Earth. If I see an unhealed, broken person, then that is who I will portray.
You see, a big part of this is a simple fact that He is Truth. And whatever He says is what is Truth. Whatever He sees is Truth.
I only must agree with Him for it to manifest.
I was taught that I was a sinner saved by grace. A lowly worm undeserving of His great love. And that is true on one end of the spectrum. But as we grow into Him we mature and receive more vision, more Truth. And this is when we can begin to step into our place as a joint-heir ready to rule and reign. We can’t step into that place as a worm on the floor.
Identity is vital. And no one else can help us, or take us, or provide it. We go there with Him, alone.
As a curious side-note, I asked Him about the white robes spoken of in the scriptures. He explained that when any of us come to the Sea of Glass and stand before Him, the glory emanating from Him and the Throne is so bright that it effectively washes out all color and we are all wearing white. But as we travel around the Kingdom in our daily activities, our apparel is very vibrantly unique and colorful. He even said that we could see each other from a distance and know almost everything about each other simply by seeing these details.
I don’t know what your journey will reveal when you ask Him to show you what He sees. It may be completely different than my experience. But I know this, you will be changed. Again.