It was a weird phenomenon I didn’t expect. A conference of my peers and friends left me at home wondering whether to spend the money to go and be with them?
And I decided the answer was “no”. Why? Well, it has little to do with them, of course, and so much to do with me.
I knew there would be corporate worship. And then teaching time. All of it would be awesome and rewarding to anyone who went. Except, probably me.
No, I’m not a hardcore introvert. I actually have a very extrovert side which loves to engage with people. I especially love the one-on-one.
But. And there is a very big “but”. I can’t do it anymore.
This change in me is so difficult for others to understand. Some say they do, but then their words belie their statement.
Here’s the simple story. I left corporate worship and teaching, and honestly, as a result, I’ve become so One with Jesus, Father, and Holy Spirit, that “corporate” anything is simply very distracting for me.
I can’t dance with flags in front of a congregation and not know they are there. And, I can’t even talk to Father without first having to block them all out (which is difficult when we are standing shoulder-to-shoulder).
Does that mean I can’t hear Father when anyone is around me? Not at all. It simply means that when we are intimate, it is so very intimate that it can’t be shared in public. It would be like having sex with my darling in the middle of a Mall.
There is the “public” way that Hunny and I interact, and then there is the private. It is definitely very different. And I’m sure you know that from your own relationships.
Corporate is public. And there is simply no way around that.
I understand that if I had stayed in a corporate setting, I might have learned how to “do it” in public. But the ironic thing is that is exactly who I used to be. I craved the corporate worship. It was where I felt Him the strongest. I’d dance and sing at the top of my lungs (and feet). And if I fell on the floor, I’d lay there and enjoy it.
But it changed. When I left the corporate, I went inward to Father intensely. He was all I had. Just Him and me. Totally alone together. I leaned on Him exclusively. I got no input from anyone else. Not even Hunny.
Now, please understand this. I have no aversion whatsoever for corporate worship. Not at all. I appreciate anyone who can throw everything aside and enjoy it. It’s an amazing thing! Enjoy!
But I will stay on my deck, staring at the mountains, talking to Father in visions. There is nothing He doesn’t know about me there. I don’t have to dress-up (proverbially) or dress-down. Here I am as I am.
I hope you will not take offense to my life because, truly it is so amazingly beautiful. And I would enjoy sharing it with you. I love having visitors.
But I will mostly talk to Father alone. And that is simply because I’m naked in front of Him. And I really don’t want to be naked in front of you. If you don’t mind.
I’ll freely tell you about things we say. Most of the things we say. But maybe not all. And that’s just because some of those things don’t have anything to do with you.
I adore you. I love to interact with you. And you are such a joy to me. Maybe one day we will meet. Maybe I’ll come to a conference just to see everyone… and then leave. Ha! That sounds weird, but it would make me so happy! Hugs and kisses, ya’ll!
Thank you for joining me on this transparent revelation of myself. I send blessings with you on your journey.