Father asked me to see love in the mirror. And not only that but to love her the way that He does.
Oh, how I wanted to run away from this mirror and drink enough wine to vanquish the thought because I didn’t want to accept this woman as myself. I didn’t want to love her as me.
I cringed, and I’m sorry that I did, but I did. She is not the woman I still see in my head. And she’s someone I never thought I’d ever become. I don’t know how she got here and why she took over my body! And I’ve been so angry about it, and so discouraged.
So, I tried to beat her into submission and make her return to the woman she once was. I tried. I swear I really tried. But she wouldn’t submit. She just grew larger and older. Sags hung under her eyes and her cheeks drooped. Her neck wrinkled and her arms swayed. She simply got worse and worse. And even had health events and a trip to the ER.
Discouragement became her constant companion and sadness made her home. When I saw her in the mirror, she frightened me and I feared for her. If she continued going down this path, the prognosis would be bleak.
Oh, Father, I know You want me to love her as You do. But this is not her best. This is her worst. She was never weak and pitiful before. So, Father, why do you want me to love this woman? Won’t You return her to her former glory where I can love her again the way she was?
But, He said, “Love her.”
So, I will try because You ask. I will say Your words of love and force myself to look at her while I say them. Then I will touch her arm, her cheeks, her eyes and I will say Your words of Love. And I will do it obediently.
But I don’t love her. It isn’t the truth for me, at least not yet. So, I’m asking You to help me love this woman, Father, because she disappoints me and shames me. She is a bare shadow of what she used to be. And she is everything I despise.
She is not a warrior Bride of a King, nor an overcomer. She is not fearless or confident or full of Faith. But, she is every example of failure. So, I don’t know how she can be like this when You are her Savior. Father, how can this be the result of her love for You? How can this be?
And He said, “Love her as I do.”
So, I spun into a dizzy whirl with His words. They were simple and yet seemed unbelievable. If You had said it about anyone else I would have understood immediately how to begin.
But with Your words, I know there can be only one response, obedience. You will give me no further instruction until this one is done. And as in the past, it can’t be impossible. You’ve never said anything that is impossible because You make it possible. The struggle is my shock of unbelief at Your instruction and the doing of the ‘thing’. It doesn’t require understanding. It only requires ‘doing’. Even without understanding, I must agree. You are never wrong. You are NEVER WRONG.
So, I began saying Your words of love. Even when they came over my tongue without sincerity. I spoke them again and again, over and over.
And as You always do, Your light of understanding slowly began to shine brighter and brighter. I saw the abuse, rejection, and heartbreak hidden deep inside me and that I had been my own abuser.
But You offer me better. You make all things new. You are redemption, everlasting life, and Love of the highest order. And in You is the top of the Mountain and The Kingdom coming to Earth.
As atoms of water turn into beautiful crystals when words of love are spoken over them. And as plants flourish and grow when loving touch caresses them. As healing comes only through a loving spirit. Life is redeemed through Love.
Only Love has the power to create and change. It’s not the chant of the flower children from the ’70’s (even though they must have seen a glimpse). And it’s not the syrupy hugs of the insincere. In You is the Love that is the power that lifted Elijah and changed Enoch.
And suddenly I saw it. This woman in the mirror was dying for Love. Even though she has loving family and friends, her love was being withheld by me. And as I condemned her and despised her, Father’s Love was waiting for me to let it Live.
I had learned to redeem my hail-damaged garden through love but I could despise the un-lovely product of my own making, myself.
Now You have opened my eyes to see the only redemption of this body. The only hope of its glorifying is when I can love myself. And truly Love me the way You do.
It is Your Love that includes respect, honor, appreciation, and even admiration. Your Love sees and understands the darkness this body has absorbed from me alone. And that is what it is displaying now.
What a conundrum of ignorance can reside in a body who houses the Son of God?
It is time to change my mind. This is what Your message is all about. Because You love me, You want me to walk into this new era displaying the light that dispels all darkness. You want me to walk the path that Jesus has opened for me when He came to show me how to live and not die. In His Love is the revelation of Redemption and how it redeems everything including me. And overcomes anything, including death.
This body is wonderfully and fearfully made. It will display the beauty of Your Love through me or it will display the fearful, horrors of condemnation in which I bury it. That condemnation is not mine. It came from my enemy. And it’s my simple choice to turn and choose Love which is Life.
You ask me to choose Love and to give it to this woman in the mirror. She is my most immediate gift from You, my most evident proof of Your Love to me. I must cherish her, as You do.
So, I do, now. I love this woman. She is truly wonderful and fearful. Thank you, Father, for giving her to me. She is me and I am her, and we are filled with You, with Love.