Thank you, Father, for this beautiful person You made me be.
What? No! I’m sorry. Father, forgive me but that isn’t what I see today. Today I want to know what’s wrong with me? Because honestly, there seems to be so much! And I can’t figure it out.
I know Your silence means this is the wrong question. It’s not a topic that’s inside Your Heart. You don’t have a section called “What’s wrong with me.” And that’s because Your Heart only sees what’s right with me. But I just don’t get that right now. You don’t comprehend being disappointed in me. But I’m horribly disappointed with me.
You see only a beautiful grace, a smart wit, my complex uniqueness, that joyful spark and the tender heart – all the things I can barely write about myself at this moment.
You’ve shown me my robe, my crown, my sword, my scepter, and many, many gifts You’ve given me. Their revelations have lifted my Identity higher. But here I am still sitting in the gutter as a worthless worm.
And I still ask what’s wrong with me? In earnest I ask, believing something mysterious, something hidden, something beyond my grasping – is deeply wrong with me. I’m not quite right. I don’t fit in. I don’t follow appropriately. Why am I so different and isolated? Yes, I know I’m part of a set apart and peculiar people but I see myself much more peculiar than anyone.
My metamorphosis into Your Bride has been a process. I see You doing the same to many of Your Children all around the world. You teach us patiently. Change us internally. You show us the perfection of You that lives within us. And You want us to accept that perfection as our own. To believe that we are as You are, one.
I’ve seen how our sovereign words make a mark on the Earth, even when they are a question. An immature question.
The answer will manifest as a result of our speaking it out. Those words spoken into the realms move creation. They become true.
My words took me to an ER on a beautiful weekend with severe chest pain whose source was never found, because I keep saying there is something wrong with me. No one can find the answer to that question. No one will locate its meaning because its source is not You. Those words are simply my lack of fullness as I learn who I am in You.
Yes, I reaped the reward of my words. I suffered some consequences of my immaturity. But it was a temporary consequence. You even paid the bill in full (literally). And in the end, I have begun to see the Light.
So today I surrender. And I ask humbly that you take this immature piece of me and flood it with Your Truth. Wash it and fill it that I will never again ask what’s wrong with me.
But I will say, thank you, Father, for this beautiful person You have created in me.