Jesus asked Peter “Who do they say that I am?” And now Father was asking me, “Describe yourself to me. Who are you?” It was almost the same question.
Instantly, I remembered the visions of my gown, my crown, my accessories, and gifts. But I still think of myself as an individual. And apparently, I see that individual loved and accessorized by Father God. But not deserving of the same answer Peter had given Jesus. “You are the Christ.”
The word Christ generally means anointed one, or chosen one. And of course, we often think of it as meaning ‘Messiah’. So, of course, I couldn’t envision myself as the Messiah. But I also don’t see myself as Anointed or Chosen.
Even though Jesus lives within me, I still struggle with Identity. My gown and my crown and accessories are unique and surprising. I’m still wrapping my mind around that appearance.
And now He wants to know how I see myself fully?
I remember Psalms 139:14.
“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!”
Psalms 139:14-18 NLT
Yes, I see His marvelous work in me and I’m amazed. But how should I answer? Is there anything still remaining in me that is not worthy of Him? Do I still see myself that way? Hasn’t He covered me completely? Aren’t my imperfections made perfect in Him?
Do I want to ask Him who He says I am? Do I dare ask Father as King David did, to test my heart and see my thoughts?
It’s a daunting question and Christians often say they could never ask it. But why not?
Who else could answer that question? Me? That doesn’t seem right. How can I assume that my estimation of myself is the same as His? His thoughts are far above mine. And if I’m not what Father wants me to be, then how can I ever be? It’s not like I’m capable of making myself perfect. If I could, I’d have done so years ago.
It seems to me that if He lives inside me, my perfection is only a job He can accomplish.
So, I did it. I asked Father to check my heart. It took quite a bit of courage. But I figured that if He damned me to hell for it, then I wasn’t much worse off than I was before. And it certainly wasn’t going to get any better through my fumbling around.
Besides, during all our conversations, His assessments are always positive. His judgment is always amazing and full of more love than I’ve ever known. It’s always better than I could ever assess myself.
Plus, His words always have an added benefit. They seem to lift me higher, advance me further, and fill me up with His Love.
I honestly prefer His judgments over my own … or anyone else’s. They are always full of Life and give my heart so much joy.
There are a million labels and pigeon-holes floating freely from people’s mouths and opinions. They freely assail our eyes and ears causing damage and destruction.
So, I’d rather hear Father’s opinion. It’s the only one that leads me toward fulfillment, and yes, perfection.
His thoughts of me are precious and innumerable. It’s time to believe them.