“For the Spirit-wind blows as it chooses. You can hear its sound, but you don’t know where it came from or where it’s going. So it is within the hearts of those who are Spirit-born!” John 3:8

There is a Spirit ebb and flow. It’s like the wind and we can’t know which way it will blow.

That may explain why my articles here and my posts on Facebook seem to disappear and become absent sometimes. Most of my writing depends heavily on that blowing spirit. It’s the essence of joy and passion. And without it, I just don’t have interest in writing.

It’s not a good way to run a business, for sure, although when I was working a regular job, I still relied on Spirit heavily for inspiration to guide and strengthen me every day. But this isn’t the same as opening the gates of restriction to the freedom of Spirit ebb and flow in writing. At least not for me.

Writing can’t be a business for me. I can’t plan it, or schedule it, or have much of a routine for it. And that causes followers to come and go because they expect regularity from me. After all, other writers have it. Pastors and evangelists and most every sort of Christian leader have it. Meetings are planned. Conferences are scheduled a year ahead of time. And so many preparations are made, consistently. That’s business. Which is most ministry.

But I’m not in a ministry. I’m a simple writer who shares her journey. And I’ve finally come to acceptance with this part. Granted it took some years of kicking and screaming through lots of self-condemnation to accept this conclusion with peace. Because it’s not normal business.

It’s actually pretty miraculous to embrace who you are meant to be. The expectations of others fall away quickly in that embrace. And self-condemnation ends.

It’s like surrendering…to wait for the wind. Because no matter how I’d like to harness it, it simply won’t be scheduled nor comply. And it’s not from rebellion or apostasy or dereliction. No. It’s an inherent nature like changing purple to blue. Purple may have blue inside it but it will never be blue. It will always be purple.

At one time, I had a fellow Christian writer attempt to teach me how to stick to a schedule by writing things in advance and then scheduling them a week or two in the future. This is a way to write with the blowing wind and then rest for its stretches of calm. So, I tried it. Sincerely. I even tried more than once. But it didn’t “take”.

I found that if the wind isn’t blowing, there’s a good chance something I wrote two weeks ago simply won’t have the spark burning anymore. It was meant for then, and only then. Now, it seems to lay lifeless on the floor like a rug. And I don’t want to shake it.

My archive is full of articles like that. Lifeless straws who never saw the light of day anywhere. They number twice as many as the ones who lived and breathed. But I don’t mourn them because their content was pure expression. Sometimes good and sometimes bad. But generally only a piece of a bigger inspiration that would be born. They are like Braxton-Hicks contractions.

The word “undisciplined” comes to mind. But that word goes in the self-condemning file which has been purged already. I’ve embraced my ebb and flow of Spirit. It’s why I love to write. And it’s becoming more predominantly the way I love to live.

My Spirit ebb and flow comes with spontaneity if I let it. And I’ve come to enjoy it immensely. So, I’ll continue to remind myself that this is not a business. It’s Spirit.

Blessings on your journey of Spirit ebb and flow,

Faith

“Blow as deep as you want-write as deeply, fish as far down as you want…” Jack Kerouac, “Essentials of Spontaneous Prose”