I ask this strange question because Fear seems to have become so familiar in my landscape especially during the last 18 months. And it has appeared in so many different forms that I wonder how greatly Hunny must have been a shelter to me. Which is true, he was. But was I unaware of leaning on him so heavily? Was it unfair of me to have been so unaware? Or was it a societal thing? Or a role we played?

I don’t know the answers to all these questions. Although I suspect that in some ways all of them were true at times and in different aspects. However, I don’t recall ever once that Hunny seemed overburdened by it so I will let myself off that potential guilt trip.

Still, this has been a period of meeting Fear around many corners. Some practical, in those bumps in the night. But others simply appear because I’m facing serious situations without Hunny physically by my side.

On the bright side, he is still making himself known to me at every opportunity. Especially taking up the penchant Father has always used for speaking to me through a song. There is often one playing through my mind when I awake in the morning. And it always brings me peace in some area where I’ve been pondering with trepidation.

So often it’s a song I haven’t heard in a long time. I’ve even had songs that only played a few notes and I didn’t know the rest of it. But it was familiar. That has happened a few times and it leads to quite an adventure in tracking. Once the song is found, the lyrics are a profound personal message directly to my mind and heart.

I’ve always appreciated this form of communication from Father. It touches me so deeply that it often leaves me in tears of grateful appreciation for the passionate love conveyed.

Hunny knew this happened to me periodically. I experienced some elation when a song carried a deeply personal message to me and I’d bubble over with the emotion as I shared it with him. He always saw the links and connections and never reacted as though I had just made a big to-do over nothing.

Now he’s doing it to me too. And when it’s him, the lyrics are pointedly from a viewpoint I remember being his. Sometimes its something I’ve forgotten. But he is still himself. Always surprising me, making me laugh, and touching my heart so unexpectedly. He’s still a master at pulling those strings. And no wonder, since he knows them so intimately.

But back to the aspects of Fear I’ve been meeting. Even though these are new encounters I’ve never had before, I don’t see them as anything other than new mountains for me to learn to cross on my own.

It’s become a “thing” in my life, to encounter another looming decision. It has happened so often that I’m now simply taking a deep breath and purposely looking inward for my guidance. It’s what I’ve always done, but there used to be another step. One of looking to Hunny for his thoughts. Now he is part of the main step of looking inward. Of course, finding Peace first is priority because without it, there is no clear vision or hearing within.

He’s always there. Always.

Faith

Years ago, Father pointed out that Urgency and Peace live in opposite spheres. Urgency is fear of loss. And Peace is Trust in Love.

Please understand that I believe in hurried, quick responses in many situations where it is required. However, even those responses can be performed in Peace.

Continue reading URGENCY →

After my Hunny stepped through the veil of life on Earth, I wondered if I could hear Father again. It had been 2 years since I stepped away from my desk and my daily routine of talking to him. The noise and clutter of TV and life were my new habits and this transition wasn’t easy. There were times I had to tell Hunny I needed a few minutes alone. He was never anything but accepting. He even told me I didn’t need to sit with him all the time. But Father had told me to do it and that I’d regret it if I didn’t.

He was completely right because after Hunny exited, I was overwhelmed with gratitude that I had made that switch and spent my days with him. I knew him with such intimate detail that my new barrage of choices and decisions was so much easier. I knew exactly what Hunny would have said and done. No question.

Continue reading HEARING FATHER →

When I say “last” I mean there will be no more. I’m finished with this adventure. My body is clean. And I only have to heal once more.
It’s a little surreal to think back over the last 6 months and remember each painful and traumatic event. Things I endured that I would never wish on my most evil predator.

Questions linger in my mind about why modern medicine is still doing barbaric procedures they did 50 years ago. Why we are tormenting the ill? And who is concealing our breakthroughs and progress? This simply cannot be our best treatment of ourselves, can it? Is this truly what we have manifested as medicine?

Continue reading THE LAST SURGERY →

Yep, the end of the world. The thing everyone is thinking about, writing about, or speaking about. The End.

Well, since I jumped off the mainstream Christian bandwagon some years ago, this post might be of a little different view.

I’m not arguing that we aren’t staring down the gaping maw of the abyss, in pretty much every arena of our society from politics to love. Nothing is the same as it was even 10 years ago. Every accepted thought about life is being challenged into oblivion. And not with alternatives that have been studied at length or seriously considered for the long run.

Continue reading THE END OF THE WORLD →

My thoughts.

It’s highly possible that we Choose to come to earth…in conjunction with a plan we concocted With our Father. Conjured to learn new lessons and experience new things.

Therefore, this life appears to be either Heaven or Hell and that decision is made in a bzillion different moments before we lived and after we began living. We are highly involved in every one of those decisions. We are the crux.

Continue reading HELLO, MY FRIENDS! →

A few years ago, Hunny built 9ft walls (fences) at the north and south sides of our property. The impetus was a new kind of neighbor who has no resemblance to neighbors of the past. This new breed is largely addicts who create residential garbage dumps and mayhem.

Previously we had an empty lot on the north side of us, and on the south was a kind, elderly man who let his property grow naturally wild. He didn’t have manicured grass, but rather grasslands. He didn’t have roses, but wild cactus.

Continue reading WALLS →

Just thinking about all the loved ones I’ve lost…beginning as early as 5 yrs old when my sister died. Then 15 yrs old when my grandpa died. And 27 yrs old when my Momma died.

In the last 4 yrs alone, I’ve lost the sweetest sister-in-law, 2 sisters, a favorite cousin…and finally the hardest of all…the Great Love of my life.

But let me tell you this story about when my brother died about 15 yrs ago. It hit me hard, overwhelming my emotions. So, I went directly to a chair on the deck because it was obvious I wouldn’t be able to handle anything that day. I sat there almost the whole day crying and sobbing.

Continue reading A LIFETIME OF LEARNING TO DEAL WITH DEATH →

This morning upon waking, I was engulfed in a bizarre disorientation. As though I had been so deeply asleep that I was actually somewhere else and had to be pulled back abruptly. It was unnerving. Even a bit frightening. Because whatever I’d been dreaming, or wherever I was, it was now a complete mystery. I could remember nothing. As though I’d been drugged.

I began talking to Father and slowly orienting my mind back to the Identity he’s been reminding me of lately. Like the small vision of the gown I wear spiritually. Every exquisite detail describes a piece of my character, personality, gifts, and strengths. It also displays how deeply treasured I am in Father’s eyes. And it is a platform Father uses almost as an advertisement to others.

Continue reading UPON WAKING →

Lifting the head of my bed to a semi-sitting position, I got comfortable in the hospital room and settled down to stare out the huge windows. Pikes Peak loomed before me with the front range spread out paying homage to its regal pose.

I hadn’t requested a view or even a private room, but I got both and considered myself blessed by Father. He was trying to make this as easy as possible. So I sat in humble gratefulness and drank in the after-sunset panorama. The hustle and bustle had gone from the room, and the lights were turned off. I glanced at the TV and sneered. No way could it compete with what stood before me at the windows.

Continue reading THE HOSPITAL ROOM →