I no longer see anything in any relationship as fair/right. It is purely humans interacting from their Being. Whether it’s fair or right is irrelevant. The better question to ask is “Is this damage within them? Are they accepting it as permanent? Or are they working on it? And should I leave the association because it’s above my “pay grade” to understand or assimilate healing for them?”

We can only make this decision ourselves. And subsequently, go through the learning process to achieve our decision because it will be full of faltering steps until we fully succeed.

THIS is the point of all suffering…to acquire wisdom and knowledge and equip us with the tools to face any enemy.

Often past abuse occurred before you were an adult who knew to ask these questions. Or how to make a decision. In a perfect world, we hope for wise and experienced adults to guide us. But this isn’t a perfect world by a long shot and billions of child trauma victims have happened since the beginning of time. Barbarians used to kill whole families and take small children as slaves, who often died from malnutrition or horrific abuse.

Humankind has an inherent evil side. And if we don’t accept that, then these things will always shock us and knock us off-guard. We try to fight for justice and eradicate evil. But it won’t happen unless you eradicate human beings.

In my own romantic relationships, this knowledge and wisdom have come ever so gradually through the years. So, I have suffered. Sometimes horribly. Despite the fact that I worked at a battered women’s shelter for 3 years and understood all the patterns and the prescribed resolutions, they didn’t sit well in my soul. I didn’t understand why back then. I do now.

Anyway, I couldn’t reject anyone (and that’s a different topic about Empaths) therefore I didn’t set boundaries. Even when I asked my first husband to leave, he stayed for 2 more weeks and only because of accidentally overhearing a conversation by a friend (not about him), he packed a bag and left. A week later he cried for 2 hours in my arms. But I softly reminded him that it simply didn’t work after 17 years.

With abusive people, in general, I try empathy, reasoning, and sincere honesty. If that doesn’t work after what I instinctively sense is a reasonable period of time, then I quietly exit. No explanations are ever needed.

The key is that I won’t try to change someone…anyone. No matter how much I love them. The content of their Being runs deeper than mere conversations could ever understand. Certainly not me. I have my own Being to work out. And boundaries are in effect trying to change someone. It’s control. Like putting a fence around them. Almost no one will stay in a fence. Ever. I wouldn’t.

This is playing with free will and every person’s sovereign right to Be who they are. Even if it’s evil. Whether I like it or not.

I’ll stop here.

btw, yes there are other resolutions, they involve the power of our internal Being (made in God’s image). But that’s another topic.

Faith