Signing a title without your husband is another one of those milestones nobody ever mentions about being a widow. Well, today I sold the last thing bearing both our names. And I felt the pause of silence in heaven.

As I told the little red car goodbye and thanked it for its excellent service to us, I took his hat from the dash and packed it in a bag with everything else. Then I paused again to remember him sitting in the seat so many times.

Is this the way it’s supposed to go? Things just moving on? As if something profound never happened? Without even a gong sounding?

Turning to the new car, I brushed away the normal awe of its pretty bells and whistles, tarnished a bit by the profundity. And then I noticed it. The lightness of the colors. The combination opening the panoramic view even wider for the traveler, filling the cabin with freedom. Wasn’t that what I had wished for secretly, but didn’t know how to verbalize? Yes! This was it! That singular thing. The aura, or ambiance that’s unexplainable but worth waiting for. The thing that makes us know a choice is divine. Here it was! Father had done it again. He’d given me the desires of my heart even when I didn’t know how to ask for them.

“Thank you!” I whispered into the air. “Oh, thank you!”

How strange that such a simple thing would completely change my perception of a solemn event. And remind me that he always moved forward eagerly with me. Never lingering too long in the past other than to be thankful.

Once again, he joined me for the journey, or was it Hunny? It’s hard to tell anymore. They meld together seamlessly. After learning how to take it out of Park, I backed into the drive, then onto the highway toward home—riding in glorious gratitude.

Faith

My transformation this year and last has been alarming, frightening, lonely, and yet most enlightening. The noise in my head has been equally extreme at times. In the beginning, when Hunny transitioned beyond the veil, I thought I’d require therapy. After all, we spent all our waking time together. It was going to be traumatic to learn a different way.

However, I pursued my therapy differently. I began with Father based on my lifelong belief and practice that he knows me better than anyone, is always with me, and always answers my questions and problems. I expected him to send me the teaching, guidance, and understanding I needed daily. And he has done so.

Yes, there were times I cried for days. Or screamed muffled into a pillow. And there were those times when the world appeared alien and I was terrified that I was losing my mind.

None of this was outside of being human. I understood that. This was transformation. Patience inside it was the hardest because I knew it wouldn’t settle down quickly.

Amazingly, none of my missteps cost me any great price. During this time, I faced a temporary battle with cancer. A battle it lost. And I sold our home and moved my small family.

Mostly, I think I became more silent than I was before. What can I tell anyone about transformation? There is a hellish landscape to it that we must walk through. And each of us walks a unique path through it. I did mine the way I have done everything. Alone with Father.

Now I’m focused on this battle for humanity we are facing and again, I’m looking to Father.

He keeps giving me Peace. He keeps telling me not to be concerned. Just keep following him and all will be well.

There is a huge division in the human species. Is it more than has ever been? I don’t know since I haven’t lived for centuries. It appears to be a fight between a controlling spirit with an army led by emotions, and a people of stubborn, traditional values following their intuition.

A fight between emotion and intuition? That seems weird since these have been steering me for two years; propelling me into transformation. As a witness to that conflict, its results are difficult to gain but amazing when achieved. Neither goes away. Both learn to live together appropriately with appreciation, respect, and love. The goal is to survive…better.

Oh, and now we have solar flares bombarding it all. Well, that’s just a manifestation of what we are creating!

Since Father keeps pointing me toward staying in Peace, that’s what I’ll do. Peaceful understanding mindsets are the only opinions that resonate in my spirit these days. Oh yes, it’s a wild ride! An epic battle! Always!

So, I send you Peace from my world which has finally stopped rocking and settled into abundant blessings.

Faith

Joyce Meyer preached this one for 20 years. It helped me in the past, and Father has it ringing in my ears this morning. My new/old revelation is reborn once again.

Sometimes I wake up conflicted about the decision Father already confirmed in me. To sell or not to sell, to move or not to move.
I know I’m supposed to go. So, why these times of confliction?
It’s fear again.

Sheesh. Sometimes I think, I must have secretly been horribly abused as a kid, to harbor this much fear, but I know it’s not true. I was definitely not abused. I was adored and cherished. Even at two years old, when I cried and begged Daddy to turn around and not go to Lake Erie. Seeing it from 5 miles away, I fell apart. And he spent the time holding me, coaxing me, and reassuring me. But even as I eventually played in the sand, I was doing it afraid. My first introduction to the concept.

I still don’t “love” large bodies of water, but I’m so much better. It’s just seeing this pattern through my life and wondering “What the heck” is my deal??? Why is fear always my biggest mountain to climb?

Even if I knew why I am so prone to this emotion, would it changeanything? Would I be able to relax and stop the fear response? I’d like to.

Some people love to be afraid. They pursue daredevil opportunities andwatch horror movies for the adrenaline rush. I adamantly avoid them.

Loud noises have a similar effect. For instance, recently I took my girls to IN & OUT Burgers. But it was lunchtime and the place was packed, so the noise level was nearly unbearable. I literally felt the deafening vibrations and consciously worked to remain calm while waiting for our order. But the effects continued for minutes after we left.

Maybe I should purposely condition my response by subjecting myself to these stimuli.

There’s also the suggestion of demons.

Or some kind of PTSD.

But none of that actually matters much because the joy in living comes when I’m in the middle of something tragic, hurtful, painful, or stressful, and Father shows his hand. Right there in the middle of it all! As though he says, “See how little this means. I’m right here!” Nothing means anything at all when he’s standing right there. He drowns it out with his all-encompassing hugeness.

He engulfs me!

And that, right there, is the only reason we do this every day! HE MAKES IT AWESOME!

I would go through every minute of tragedy, trauma, and pain I’ve experienced again, because of him. Not because he took it all away. He didn’t. But he showed up in the middle of it. Every single time. Right there beside me, inside me, matching my footfalls…experiencing it alongside me…just because HE LOVES ME! And THAT is where he stands out the most. It can be the place where we see him the clearest.

THIS is when I can say, it doesn’t matter what I fear, or where I fall, because he’s with me. Always on my side. And when I WIN…it’s because he orchestrated it. He gifts me.

I’m never alone. Not even when my brain is wigging out. I’m never alone and there is nothing as big as him.

Remember! Always remember!

Faith

Lately the phrases I hear make me cringe. And that’s odd since I was always the one who laughed at the irreverent. But now words aren’t just irreverent, they are rude, hateful, and disrespectful to the deepest degree.

When folks fight, they tend to say horrible things. And we remember the advise “if you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything”. It was good advise and we sincerely tried, and messed up, but tried again to meet that challenge.

I don’t like the cruel things we say. Yes, I’m guilty too. But everything negative I’ve said, has come back to me. I hear it echoing and bouncing off almost everyone I meet. And it came in our politics. Something that’s been around, what feels like forever. Apparently, pulling the same ugliness out of people since the beginning of our country.

Of course I see the problems. And yes, I have an opinion about what should be done. I even question the sanity of “the opposing opinion”. But I’m going to try more diligently to stop doing that so quick and easy. I must remember that even though Jesus told people true things about the status of their heart, he did not join their “cause”. Instead, he went to the hills, away from the chaos and the noise. There he’d commune with Father in Peace.

I’m not as smart as I think. Nor am I so spiritual that I can tell someone the truth about their heart and then walk through the crowd without being seen (before they can grab and beat me).

I’m working on it. But I’d rather be in isolation with him any day.

Rest in beauty and love,

Faith

I ask this strange question because Fear seems to have become so familiar in my landscape especially during the last 18 months. And it has appeared in so many different forms that I wonder how greatly Hunny must have been a shelter to me. Which is true, he was. But was I unaware of leaning on him so heavily? Was it unfair of me to have been so unaware? Or was it a societal thing? Or a role we played?

I don’t know the answers to all these questions. Although I suspect that in some ways all of them were true at times and in different aspects. However, I don’t recall ever once that Hunny seemed overburdened by it so I will let myself off that potential guilt trip.

Still, this has been a period of meeting Fear around many corners. Some practical, in those bumps in the night. But others simply appear because I’m facing serious situations without Hunny physically by my side.

On the bright side, he is still making himself known to me at every opportunity. Especially taking up the penchant Father has always used for speaking to me through a song. There is often one playing through my mind when I awake in the morning. And it always brings me peace in some area where I’ve been pondering with trepidation.

So often it’s a song I haven’t heard in a long time. I’ve even had songs that only played a few notes and I didn’t know the rest of it. But it was familiar. That has happened a few times and it leads to quite an adventure in tracking. Once the song is found, the lyrics are a profound personal message directly to my mind and heart.

I’ve always appreciated this form of communication from Father. It touches me so deeply that it often leaves me in tears of grateful appreciation for the passionate love conveyed.

Hunny knew this happened to me periodically. I experienced some elation when a song carried a deeply personal message to me and I’d bubble over with the emotion as I shared it with him. He always saw the links and connections and never reacted as though I had just made a big to-do over nothing.

Now he’s doing it to me too. And when it’s him, the lyrics are pointedly from a viewpoint I remember being his. Sometimes its something I’ve forgotten. But he is still himself. Always surprising me, making me laugh, and touching my heart so unexpectedly. He’s still a master at pulling those strings. And no wonder, since he knows them so intimately.

But back to the aspects of Fear I’ve been meeting. Even though these are new encounters I’ve never had before, I don’t see them as anything other than new mountains for me to learn to cross on my own.

It’s become a “thing” in my life, to encounter another looming decision. It has happened so often that I’m now simply taking a deep breath and purposely looking inward for my guidance. It’s what I’ve always done, but there used to be another step. One of looking to Hunny for his thoughts. Now he is part of the main step of looking inward. Of course, finding Peace first is priority because without it, there is no clear vision or hearing within.

He’s always there. Always.

Faith

Years ago, Father pointed out that Urgency and Peace live in opposite spheres. Urgency is fear of loss. And Peace is Trust in Love.

Please understand that I believe in hurried, quick responses in many situations where it is required. However, even those responses can be performed in Peace.

Continue reading URGENCY →

After my Hunny stepped through the veil of life on Earth, I wondered if I could hear Father again. It had been 2 years since I stepped away from my desk and my daily routine of talking to him. The noise and clutter of TV and life were my new habits and this transition wasn’t easy. There were times I had to tell Hunny I needed a few minutes alone. He was never anything but accepting. He even told me I didn’t need to sit with him all the time. But Father had told me to do it and that I’d regret it if I didn’t.

He was completely right because after Hunny exited, I was overwhelmed with gratitude that I had made that switch and spent my days with him. I knew him with such intimate detail that my new barrage of choices and decisions was so much easier. I knew exactly what Hunny would have said and done. No question.

Continue reading HEARING FATHER →

When I say “last” I mean there will be no more. I’m finished with this adventure. My body is clean. And I only have to heal once more.
It’s a little surreal to think back over the last 6 months and remember each painful and traumatic event. Things I endured that I would never wish on my most evil predator.

Questions linger in my mind about why modern medicine is still doing barbaric procedures they did 50 years ago. Why we are tormenting the ill? And who is concealing our breakthroughs and progress? This simply cannot be our best treatment of ourselves, can it? Is this truly what we have manifested as medicine?

Continue reading THE LAST SURGERY →

Yep, the end of the world. The thing everyone is thinking about, writing about, or speaking about. The End.

Well, since I jumped off the mainstream Christian bandwagon some years ago, this post might be of a little different view.

I’m not arguing that we aren’t staring down the gaping maw of the abyss, in pretty much every arena of our society from politics to love. Nothing is the same as it was even 10 years ago. Every accepted thought about life is being challenged into oblivion. And not with alternatives that have been studied at length or seriously considered for the long run.

Continue reading THE END OF THE WORLD →

My thoughts.

It’s highly possible that we Choose to come to earth…in conjunction with a plan we concocted With our Father. Conjured to learn new lessons and experience new things.

Therefore, this life appears to be either Heaven or Hell and that decision is made in a bzillion different moments before we lived and after we began living. We are highly involved in every one of those decisions. We are the crux.

Continue reading HELLO, MY FRIENDS! →