Joyce Meyer preached this one for 20 years. It helped me in the past, and Father has it ringing in my ears this morning. My new/old revelation is reborn once again.

Sometimes I wake up conflicted about the decision Father already confirmed in me. To sell or not to sell, to move or not to move.
I know I’m supposed to go. So, why these times of confliction?
It’s fear again.

Sheesh. Sometimes I think, I must have secretly been horribly abused as a kid, to harbor this much fear, but I know it’s not true. I was definitely not abused. I was adored and cherished. Even at two years old, when I cried and begged Daddy to turn around and not go to Lake Erie. Seeing it from 5 miles away, I fell apart. And he spent the time holding me, coaxing me, and reassuring me. But even as I eventually played in the sand, I was doing it afraid. My first introduction to the concept.

I still don’t “love” large bodies of water, but I’m so much better. It’s just seeing this pattern through my life and wondering “What the heck” is my deal??? Why is fear always my biggest mountain to climb?

Even if I knew why I am so prone to this emotion, would it changeanything? Would I be able to relax and stop the fear response? I’d like to.

Some people love to be afraid. They pursue daredevil opportunities andwatch horror movies for the adrenaline rush. I adamantly avoid them.

Loud noises have a similar effect. For instance, recently I took my girls to IN & OUT Burgers. But it was lunchtime and the place was packed, so the noise level was nearly unbearable. I literally felt the deafening vibrations and consciously worked to remain calm while waiting for our order. But the effects continued for minutes after we left.

Maybe I should purposely condition my response by subjecting myself to these stimuli.

There’s also the suggestion of demons.

Or some kind of PTSD.

But none of that actually matters much because the joy in living comes when I’m in the middle of something tragic, hurtful, painful, or stressful, and Father shows his hand. Right there in the middle of it all! As though he says, “See how little this means. I’m right here!” Nothing means anything at all when he’s standing right there. He drowns it out with his all-encompassing hugeness.

He engulfs me!

And that, right there, is the only reason we do this every day! HE MAKES IT AWESOME!

I would go through every minute of tragedy, trauma, and pain I’ve experienced again, because of him. Not because he took it all away. He didn’t. But he showed up in the middle of it. Every single time. Right there beside me, inside me, matching my footfalls…experiencing it alongside me…just because HE LOVES ME! And THAT is where he stands out the most. It can be the place where we see him the clearest.

THIS is when I can say, it doesn’t matter what I fear, or where I fall, because he’s with me. Always on my side. And when I WIN…it’s because he orchestrated it. He gifts me.

I’m never alone. Not even when my brain is wigging out. I’m never alone and there is nothing as big as him.

Remember! Always remember!

Faith