The separation between Hunny and I was the greatest shock for me because I haven’t been separate from him. We didn’t tolerate separation well. Even for years when we were both working, we’d each wear a Bluetooth all day. That Bluetooth carried a live phone call between us that began the moment we drove away from each other. And we maintained that call most all of the day. Even as we talked to others, the one of us at the other end of the Bluetooth simply waited.

We didn’t necessarily talk to each other all the time either. We simply knew that the only comfortable place in the world was in each other’s presence.

Thankfully, we quickly reconnected after he left. So, quickly in fact that he spoke to me as I was driving home from the hospital. And though it was a new topic, it wasn’t a new conversation, but the continuation of the one we’d had for…most of our life.

the difference

But yes, something had changed. We were effectively on Bluetooth now indefinitely. He wasn’t physically coming home. And that’s where my mourner’s anger began stepping in now and then.

Finally, one day I blurted out to him. “I’m sick of this. I need to hold you, hug you, feel your hand on my back, your kiss on my lips.” And I cried.

But as the tears rolled from my closed eyes, I felt his hand rubbing in a circular motion on my back as he always did. “You’re okay. You’re okay. I’m not gone. I’m here. ” Then I heard him as though it were telepathically from our hearts. “Feel my lips as you have felt Father’s arms. Feel my hand as you have felt Jesus’s. I am part of them, and they part of me. We are here. In you. I Am.”

Intuition is there to receive the message. Imagination is there to paint the picture. And Spirit in connection still vibrates…as it always has. It’s like an ocean that I swim and walk and talk inside.

reception

Then there’s reception. It’s a part of my ‘guard your heart’ behavior. And I have to fling the door and let it fly wide open without hesitation or reservation. I have to TRUST that this is him. Father, Jesus, Spirit. Without reception, I wouldn’t have him. He would be completely gone from me. And I would have to learn how to live without one side of my Being.

Oh! What a trauma that would be…and is. For so many people all around the world going through the same separation. All because they have never allowed themselves to BELIEVE those flashes of Truth that dash quickly across their eyes. Oh, it was just imagination. As if imagination isn’t a valid organ in our Spirit repertoire.

freedom

And there is another Spirit trait that wafts carefully around me these days. I’ve met her before. She comes and lets her long wisps float just across my nose, or my vision until I grasp her coy tendrils. Freedom is dipping her toes into my experience and as I open wide my reception, I find suddenly that she is a part of me too.

I am more free. It is true. And it isn’t a horrible thing to admit. Rather it is an aspect in my favor, of Hunny’s transition out of his own remnants of past that trailed him without hindrance. After all, we carry those with us no matter how many of then we think we “clean up”. How can we not? No matter the fullness of Father that we walk purely inside, there is still the pieces of our character we adopted at various intervals of our life here in this physicality.

But as Hunny dropped those away from himself and flew into the fullness of freedom, I was also made free from the subtle effects of them. They aren’t mine to tend anymore, either.

I’m more free within myself as I share connection with him now than I ever was with him before. Even at it’s most perfect.

needing

There are also the effects of my own empathic traits which absorb others trials and traumas. Especially in the level of connection we share. And it would be heretical to resent it. Rather I adore its gifts. But now they are no longer necessary. As he has left them behind.

I’m not needed to ‘take-care-of’ him. As he did for me…and I still seem to need.

How odd that this has changed a bit of the fabric of our relationship. A strangely one-sidedness has occurred. And isn’t it weird that I will probably never stop that bit of needing him as long as I am in this body? But, he, like Father, won’t be needing anymore.

faithfulness

This is where the faithfulness of Father has opened for me in a new way. “I will always be with you.” is now more palatable than ever. This world can feel cold and dangerous. But we’ve come to know Father is always with us. And now Hunny is a part of that too. I’ve heard him say it to me several times now. At first it was odd, but of course, what would make more sense? He is truly, purely One now. So, he will always be with me. Never separated.

peace

I am more at peace than possibly I’ve ever known before in this way in this life on Earth.

How beautiful the threads of life and eternity truly are.

Faith