Category Archives: peaceful maturity


finger on the buttons


We all have buttons we’d like to destroy because people keep pushing them. And the results are chaos and turmoil.

This happened to me recently and I recognized that I reacted the same way every time with one particular person.  The simple solution of walking away from her was not going to happen because I love her. She is family. And I want to understand what is between us.

So, I asked Jesus how to deal with this because I was beginning to fear her. I’ll call her Lisa. Lisa has a strong personality.  But Jesus told me not to go to her in this instance because the problem was not hers but mine.  The pain I felt was a button of guilt I had hidden deep inside myself years ago. I hadn’t handled life perfectly and therefore I’d caused pain to others, including Lisa.

Then I covered it over with time and activity until I’d forgotten it.  But I’d simply buried it and left a button that Lisa pushed often. I’m not sure that Lisa knows about my button, but oddly other people tend to subconsciously sense them. Maybe it’s a spiritual thing because I’m sure our spirits know a whole lot more than our conscious mind.

However, our society has created a standard of treatment for dealing with our sensitive little buttons. We confront the person who pushed it. Then we explain our sensitivity and ask them not to push that button again.

“But this is not the way to handle buttons,” Jesus said.  “This only justifies that button’s existence and gives it free reign to live and grow. My way is to destroy the button completely and set you free.”

He told me to forgive Lisa and release her from any responsibility.  Then accept her and her personality with complete, unconditional love. Wow. That felt impossible. But it didn’t turn out to be so impossible.

He took me back to the moment the button was born and told me to renounce the lie. I didn’t even know there was a lie. But sure enough, not only was there a lie, but I had accepted it and believed it.  The lie had been that I was a failure that wasn’t good enough because I had caused pain to others.

He showed me that our enemy always judges us cruelly and when we agree with his self-cursing lies it creates a button. And that button becomes the cause for more pain inside other relationships.

It wasn’t the easiest thing to Trust Jesus while He exposed those lies. But when He did, then I could see them and disagree with them. That simple act destroys buttons.

And Freedom reigns!


me at rest



When Father was teaching me to Rest, He actually told me to sit still for long periods and do nothing.  It was hard. I felt condemnation.  Lazy was a word that kept popping into my head.  It was even somewhat frightening. Which is weird. Silence is frightening. It’s hard to face it alone.  And the drive to do something all the time is insistent. I’m responsible for stuff and people. I can’t leave them unattended.

Apparently, I was taught thoroughly that “idle hands are the devil’s workshop”. And it was so ingrained that I didn’t know how to stop doing it easily.  Quickly I saw how my enemy was keeping me from being much of a threat simply by keeping me busy. And Father wanted to make Rest a foundation in my life.  Breaking off that busy constancy required sitting, staring it down, without a book in my hand, without a hobby before me, without the computer, and without a companion.

The Rest that Father talks about, of course, doesn’t mean sitting still, it is a place inside our spirit.  We can be very busy and still be at Rest.  But if we haven’t experienced Rest, and what it feels like, it may require some drastic measures to experience it.

I sat a lot for about a year and it was pure torture sometimes.  But when I finally began to enjoy Rest unconditionally, then He moved me back into busyness but told me to take Rest with me.

That transition was interesting too.  Even though I’m very busy a lot of the time, I know immediately when I’m losing Rest.  And I stop for a moment, or many moments until I’m back inside it.

All the promises of God are inside His Rest and if we don’t know Rest intimately, then all our busyness will not help us acquire those promises.





I’ve been experiencing an enormous degree of turmoil and attack in this last week.  I know that many of you are experiencing the same thing.  So last night I was awake for a while and asked Father to tell me what is happening and why, so we can understand it clearly.

He showed me that these attacks stem to our hopes, dreams, and expectations.  We are advancing into new territories.  These are not paths we have walked before.

These hopes, dreams, and expectations are Creative and they are a huge part of us placed there by Father God.  We slip into turmoil and attack when we second guess them.

Our second guessing comes when we walk forward in these hopes and encounter problems to be resolved, obstacles and conflict in our way.  When we try to overcome them through our own strength, we may or may not find any measure of success, and the struggle grows out of proportion.  That results in exhaustion, discouragement and second guessing whether this is the right path for us.

We assume that if Father God is with us, then the pathway will be easy, or at least we will quickly dispatch each problem and issue along the way.  However, Father sees this path as an opportunity for us to address issues within ourselves on our way to the dream.  These opportunities are actually HIS highest priority for us.  If we aren’t learning something on the pathway, then we are not growing and progressing in our wisdom and strength.  Therefore, He doesn’t always immediately vanquish our obstacles but waits for us to learn how to vanquish them ourselves THROUGH Him.

It’s different than waiting for Him to do it.  It’s about listening to Him and learning in the moment.  If we use the same old routine, it will probably get worse.  He wants us to rely solely on hearing Him in the moment and doing that.  It is the key that will work.  It is the only key that will work.

The hopes, dreams, and expectations are not a goal and we make the mistake of seeing them as such.  Rather they are the reward for walking the journey the way He has shown us.  Jesus did it.  And He told us how very simply.  “I do what I see my Father doing”.

Therefore, we must take our eyes off the dream as a goal and put our eyes on the journey, on the step that is right before us, and make that step the same way we see Father make it.

Bless us Father in our journey’s today.  We choose to open our eyes to the step before us and see how You are doing it so we can imitate You.  This step is vitally important to You, as will be the next one.  And we will progress if we walk it Your way.  Thank you for loving us and giving us the dreams and hopes that propel us onto these paths.  You take great joy in our advancement when we overcome each situation, each obstacle as we walk in You.

My Little Book Revealed

Recently, I ran across a little book I wrote 20 years ago which I had named “Sometimes God Works Backwards”.  It reopened some not-so-happy memories about a brother’s attempt to bring me in front of a group for reprimand.  That group was never convened because the others saw my story as a testimony, albeit extremely controversial one.  Therefore, they advised me to keep it to myself, and not share it further, which I have done.

My trials and heartaches had miraculous results at the hand of God and I’d been inspired to share it.  However, the story exposed my past which angered this brother.  I was a PK (preacher’s kid) and he’d known my folks intimately and loved and respected them greatly.  But after they passed I had gone searching for answers no one was ever able to give me.   Questions like: why are Christians afraid of Satan if God is so powerful; and how can Satan deceive someone against their will, . . . among others.  My searching lead me into Astrology and Witchcraft, and away from the ‘safety of church life’ for several years.  And this brother was appalled.  Regardless of the overcoming victories that had ensued, he was sure I must need deliverance, or at the least a severe reprimand in recompense for disrespecting my parent’s good name.

This little book also revealed after only the 1st chapter, how much I’ve changed.

I had laid the blame for my trials and heartaches squarely at the feet of my searching and the overcoming victories were credited to my return to the Lord.  I explained this context with heavy lines like “God has rules we can’t break without consequences.”

Since then I’ve heard Father and He said, “Witchcraft was not the reason your life fell apart – and you should stop saying you turned away from Me because I don’t remember that.   It was doctrine you tested by your search.  Not Me.  I was still there.  But because of that doctrine, you thought I no longer saw you as a follower.  Instead, I saw your heart.  Your searching was not angry, rebellious or rejecting toward Me.”

After several years of searching, I had spiraled downward for lack of Love – His Love.  In my ignorance, I hadn’t continued my relationship with Him.  I’d stopped talking to Him.  But at my worst moment I turned to Him and asked for help, and He gave me complete restoration and healed my heart through a supernatural portal.

I learned finally, the thing that’s wrong with witchcraft is the same thing that’s wrong with much of Christianity – absence of a relationship with God.  It is the one thing He wants – relationship- and anything that keeps us from it is damaging, destructive and will eventually kill us.  We were made for that relationship.  Without it, we die.

The simple explanation of what sin is – it’s absence of a relationship with God.  It is the one thing we can point our finger at and remain always correct.  We can’t always point to any other specific act and make that statement ‘this is sin’ and always be correct.  Doctrine has tried.   But it only succeeds in legislating the heart with all its rules thereby causing ghastly injustices in the name of God.  Righteous judgment and truth can only come from the Spirit of God addressing an individual relationship.  Righteousness (rightness) is ONLY inside that Spirit, inside that heart, that relationship.

I uncovered the deceptive doctrine, the lie that I was separated from my Father God because I touched unclean things. And that doctrine was substantiated by witchcraft because they too had been sold the lie.

This revelation was hidden from me for 20 years, but Father has reminded me of the miraculous, supernatural experiences.  So, I may re-work that little book someday.  And I know some will reject it still and be angry about it.  Or I may keep it as it is.  It’s a great reminder of where I was.

Recently, I was told to remember not to cast my pearls before the swine or they will turn and trample me.  But I also remember there is a time for everything under Heaven.

I believe this is the time of the revealing of the Kingdom of God which is already coming to Earth.

“Arise [from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept you—rise to a new life]! Shine (be radiant with the glory of the Lord), for your light, has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you!”

YOU! – must write!


I watched the movie “The Book Thief”, which was about a girl in the middle of WWII who discovers the immeasurable value of words. And I considered Prophesy.  Prophesy is words.  Were there no prophecies to warn the people about that war?  Why did 6 million Jews and 10 million Christians die when our God of Miracles was very much alive?  What did the people miss?  And what’s to keep us from missing it again?

Then Father reminded me that escape from any catastrophe comes in believing and those who don’t believe find little opportunity for escape.  He reminded me of the hundreds of stories from that era.  They were stories of people who smuggled others out of Nazi Germany at risk of their own safety.  And stories of those who escaped in miraculous ways.  There were a million miracles during that time.  Therefore, I concluded, there were a million believers.

Now switching my thoughts to today and the advancement of the Kingdom, I considered the widespread doomsday messages we have been preaching for the last century.  And I wondered if our own mouths caused those wars and if we might be creating another, even more, disastrous one?

For progressive Kingdom believers, counteracting these words might look like an overwhelming task. Speaking life everywhere we go in a world who believes in impending disaster might appear daunting.  But we must if we are to undo the damage already done.

So, we tackle the job one person at a time, healing 1 at Wal-Mart, delivering 2 at McDonald’s, encouraging and praying for everyone who will receive it.

And I wonder when and how we will turn this tide.  The Apostle Paul said he knew how to live abounding or abased.  And like him, we will continue our course whether the world prospers or war envelopes us.  But still, I wonder what the Spirit will do differently this time.  This is a new era.  The old has passed away.  And so, I look at what is being done differently, something that has never been done before.

I found a different movement reaching out from inside a few believers.  One that calls people to get moving, get involved, and get planted in key positions of political, social and artistic arenas so we can make a difference from the inside out.

Another movement is the push – to WRITE.  There were piles of books burned during WWII.  And books and writing are Words.   God is Word.  Word is creative. It is the changing force that made the world and everything we see.

So, it seems that we should write as much and as often as possible.  People who write tend to change the course of history.  Words are the key.

But whether you write, or whether you speak, your story must be told.  You are a witness to the goodness and the miracles of our God.  And that is the Good News we must share.

Our world needs hope.  And we carry it inside us.


Rippled Water




I turned to Jesus because my heart was breaking.  He came immediately and cupped my teary-eyed face in His hands and touched my cheeks with His lips.  Then He embraced me and nuzzled His face into my shoulder.  I could feel His breath against my neck, warm, comforting.

I breathed of Him deeply and asked, “Is there something wrong with me?  My heart is too fragile.”

He again held my face in His hands and looked into my eyes speaking in tongues which I didn’t understand. But it felt like He was instructing my spirit in a way that it would understand.

Then He slipped His arm around my waist and led me through crunching leaves to a dry wooden bench beside a still lake.  And we sat down under rusty colored trees.  He picked up a pebble and skipped it across the glassy water and each skip touched the surface, creating ripples.  He continued speaking softly in tongues which I began to understand in my heart.

“Words spoken out of disunity are moments empty of Love.  They break the peace in your soul like the pebble broke the surface of the water.  Sometimes those words are spoken repeatedly when people are intent on asserting a conviction of faith and continue to belabor a subject.  This breaks the glassy surface like the pebble skipping.  But have patience, my Love.  The water is deep and the pebble will sink.  The ripples will fade and die.  The lake is not damaged in the end but returns to its silken peace.  This is your heart.  Its depth is full and will nourish Life for a long time to come.”




God made me to be a Blessing; not to stop someone else’s blessing, or to dish out justice – that’s His job. He made me to be a conduit here on the earth for Him to pass out Blessing to everyone He brings into my path.

Even with enemies (because not everyone will respect or even acknowledge Blessing) He said to turn the other cheek because only Blessing flows thru me, nothing else.

Blessing is like a river flowing in only one direction. It can’t flow in opposite directions or turn around depending on the reception it receives. If there is a blockage, the river keeps flowing until the blockage is flooded and sinks to the bottom; then the river continues, flowing forward, forward, forward.

If we try to turn and flow the opposite direction because of opposition; we will push against our flow of Blessing. It becomes a chaotic, mucked up mess of frothing water. There is no peace in it. Nothing can live in it. It kills whatever gets in it by pulverizing it. This eventually purifies the water. Flowing against the current over a long period of time will cause the water to dig out the bottom of the river and also the sides. Gradually, this creates more room for the water to flow freely again.

The flow will win; however, a life of chaotic, killing froth can exist for a long time. It’s our choice.
When God uses me to bring Blessing in someone’s life and they reject it, misuse me, take advantage of me, or steal from me; I should treat it as though I hardly notice. The Blessing is flowing so strongly that I continue on and flow past the obstacle just as quickly as it appears. Even though I have continued my flow forward, the flow of Blessing from Father, just as the water in the river, will keep bombarding the obstacle until it is worn down and virtually disappears, or it gives up and flows along with the water.

This is how the Blessing of the Lord works – every time. It never fails; never.


How can we be Christian and see only death, despair and destruction all around us? How can we?

Christ is Life, He is rebirth, and He is redemption. Have we forgotten? Do we look at a cocoon and not see the butterfly emerging? Do we panic and say “what horrible end is coming – the cocoon is dying?” Do we stare in disbelief and pray and plead with God to save the cocoon?

“Long Live the cocoon! Allegiance to the cocoon! Look at the cocoon’s glorious beginning! If only we could take the cocoon back to the beginning?”

Do we find someone to blame for the cocoon’s demise? And then disrespect and slander them mercilessly?

Can’t we see the butterfly? She will soar in the freedom of flight. She will flutter in a miraculous display of color.

Can’t we see the butterfly? She is right there, emerging from the dying cocoon.

A WORD from September 24th, 2013

And He said,

“I’ve seen your thoughts each day, wondering about your purpose and thinking your realm of responsibility is insignificant.  It’s larger than you know, and that realm is your kingdom.  I gave it to you.  But you didn’t grasp your daily responsibilities of Administering from your heavenly seat, your throne.

You saw that concept as a pretty, heavenly vision, but you didn’t comprehend the importance of your seat of Administration.  If you don’t administer your kingdom, then no one else will, and everyone inside your realm is subject to the small insidious deteriorations of life in this Earth without Heavenly overseer-ship.

Evil roams.  It doesn’t sleep.  It plants small holes of deterioration that can tear down and destroy.  New holes are planted every day.  Some are imperceptible to you except that I show you.

See!  Now you are beginning to grasp the importance of your seat.  It is one of Love.  You Administer from Love and through Love and are guided by Love.  But you must Administer.  Administer through me.   Love is me.  Love creates growth and changes every day.

Now I’m teaching you how to Administer from the seat I gave you. Sit on it every morning.  Sit inside me.  Sit and look around.  Survey the fabric of your kingdom in a new light each morning.

You cannot pray a prayer for your family, your friends, or your world once a week. Blessing them all by rote will not suffice.  Do not look at a list of prayer’s but rather ask me to see it all.  See the new growth and the new deteriorations.  See the weaknesses that will require daily work, but see them anew each day.  See the repairs and the beginnings.  Then build on them rather than rehashing yesterday’s repairs.  Don’t be lazy and rely on repetition.  It never heals or restores or loves.  And sometimes it creates a hole from its constant rubbing in the wrong place.

I’ve also been teaching you to rest.  My rest is contrary to everything you’ve been taught.  It involves joy and celebration.  It involves putting your feet up and basking in sweet music.   It resists the temptation to feel guilty for not being busy.  I’m not a busy God.   I’m extremely effective and I accomplish great feats.  You will too, as you rest.

Now rest on your seat of Administration over the kingdom I have given you.  Relax and enjoy the music and the beauty.  Smile and be full of Joy as you survey the contour of the fabric of its life.  Relish its beauty and wonder.  And notice where the hole pops up.

Ask Me to fine-tune your eyesight to see them before they create destruction.  Fix them instantly.  Don’t work over them by striving labor.  But rather hear my heart and respond to it.

Often my response is small and simple.  You will think the situation warranted much more involvement.  But Love’s eyes often heal without so much action, just a Word of Love.

This is your destiny.   This is your position in me.  This is your Inheritance.  Guard it.  Love it. Cherish it.  Keep it.  And I will give you more.

You say that you love Me.  And I know that is true because I placed it within you.

My eyes shine brightly as I watch you grow in stature and maturity.  You are walking in the path I created for you.  It is my path.  I lavished it in My Love.  Lavish those I have given you.

I kiss you my darling, my Bride.”

What Name Shall We Be Called? (a rose by any other name) or- Still a Christian After All.

a rose

Church pews left behind, exciting conversations began to spew from my many progressive friends.  We took our faith and ran with it.  Over hill and dale as we hit the dusty trail, in our mostly peaceful exploits of freedom with Holy Spirit as our only guide.  We set many old friends on their ears spitting forth mouthfuls of dirt and explosions of panic as our journeys find no barriers or boundaries before us.

“The Word says, Thou shalt not . . .”!  These expletives rain readily while we jump fences and linger in potholes.  We enjoy the coolness of mud and the forbidden seems strangely worth investigation.  This risky business is froth with danger and uncharted territory, but our fearless abandon only expands as we hear “Fear not, I will never leave you” combined with a chuckle here and there.

What is a Christian supposed to do?  The gate stands open and we trample the fence to the ground.  All hope of restraint is useless in the boundless glee and merriment that ensues.  The sheep are loose!  And they seem to listen to only one voice; one unheard by most in earshot.  Which prompts the question “have they eaten the loco-weed or drank the Kool-Aid”?

But in a test of time, neither seems to be true.  Sanity still appears to govern their lives and relationships.

Therefore, in their daily visits and adventures, the talk continues, only the message has changed.  And it’s changing is so profound that they question their title anymore.  Are we still Christians?  Well, of course, we are.  With 43,000 denominations all over the world as varying as day from night, why wouldn’t we still claim the same moniker over our heads?

It is confusing to be sure, since the traditional has now been tossed to the side, which leaves the stranger utterly confused at who they are.

What name shall we be called?  Which seems to be a popular topic for only a moment.  It holds only vague interest for them.  For as some have said, “I don’t care what you call me, just don’t call me late for dinner”!

So this is the result of a Christian gone wild with only Holy Spirit as the companion.  Nothing is too sacred to discuss and no one taboo with which to discuss it.  And the strangest result of all, in my estimation, is the bursting blooms of Love wherever I go.  No longer do I hold back waiting for the passwords of acceptance into club mentality.  The first glint of Love is all I need to see.  It may be dying, wounded, or angry, but it’s my compass point of direction that pulls me.  To touch it, to resurrect it, to heal it, to repair it, to restore it; in all the softness of its petals.  Love.

It doesn’t matter what name we are called.  We gravitate to Love.