Throughout my life, and especially my years as a mostly traditional Christian, I noticed something about men. They were bossy, arrogant, and often stupid. And yes, I could use a nicer word, but I’m going to use the one that fits best and everyone understands.

It’s not that God made them this way. It’s what they were taught by other bossy, arrogant, stupid men. And no matter how much the Bible talks about attitude, love, and respect, they just didn’t get it.

Now you probably wonder what I think God made them to be. And I’ll be happy to share that. I learned this through my years with Hunny. He didn’t start out this way, it’s what God slowly melded him into as they were in relationship together. It made me shake my head in awe and astonishment so often. Now and then Hunny caught me watching him and I’d tell him what I saw. But it seemed to roll off his back. His ego didn’t wallow in it and then repeat it to others.

So here goes the best I can describe it.

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He was strong. Yes, physically stronger than me but more. The strength that amazed me was inward. He knew exactly who he was. His identity was fully developed and intact. He didn’t need empty compliments to shore up his ego and he didn’t need to be told when he did something well…that came when he was satisfied with it. When it was his best. And he didn’t need to inform others of his strength or accomplishments. They either saw it for themselves or were…yes, stupid.

Every time he went shopping, he thought of me. Then he’d come home with something, anything, but something he knew I liked. It might be a carton of strawberries or Provolone. Or it could be one of those rubbery pens from the locksmith because I prefer them. They’re easier to get a good grasp on. But it could also be flowers or a box of chocolate-covered cherries. I never knew what it would be and for some reason, I never expected it because he didn’t do it all the time, just often. So, it would surprise me.

When we were young and broke, he was creative and never lazy for a moment about finding ways to make money. Multitasking was his forte. He made an art form of it. He wasn’t shy and could talk to anyone so he could be a good salesman if needed.

My favorite, of course, was how he could love me with a strong, almost aggressive tact to sweep me off my feet, or he could be a kind, tender recipient of my affections.

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A close second favorite was how he could listen and let me use him as a sounding board for as long as it took until I was spent. Then he’d respond with possible suggestions or even simply understanding and agreement backed up with his own perspective to compliment what I’d shared. I think he always agreed with me in those conversations. Which is probably the most amazing. Maybe we’d just been together so long that our tastes were melded.

I never listened to him and thought “well, that’s just kinda stupid”. He wasn’t stupid. Instead, he was thoughtful, intelligent, and extremely creative. I felt equally paired with him in every way.

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Now that I’m widowed, it amazes me how little stupidity I will tolerate from men, especially the ones who find me alluring. In my mind, I’ve had the best, and no, I don’t expect them to measure up to Hunny at all, but I simply will not tolerate stupid. Especially if they try to use it to subjugate me. That’s especially stupid. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a generous and accommodating hostess and friend for a very long time, but don’t act like you have a brain for 3 weeks and then spring your stupidity on me just when you think you have me hooked. That isn’t a hook. It’s manners. And they disappear in a flash when stupidity makes an appearance.

I remember my Hunny’s fiercely protective side, which he never thought he’d have to use because he had faith in my strength and intelligence to protect myself. But he was always at the ready if I ever wanted or needed it.

Today I was remembering his Mom and her own fierce nature. She was a small woman but truly a force to be reckoned with all by herself. Suddenly I realized that Hunny had nurtured that within me because of her. He loved her so much that at first I wondered if she was going to be a problem in our marriage. She was queen. And I was only a wanna-be.

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Well, looking back I can see the day gradually came when I became queen and Hunny treated me as such. Not because I demanded it. Nope. He virtually expected it from me therefore I rose through the years to that occasion.

I count myself among the rarely blessed of women because of him. He saw my throne and expected me to be seated on it. And when I was afraid, he reminded me of who I was and what I was capable of. He knew exactly who he was and expected me to do the same within myself. He didn’t rule above me but rather equally. We each had our areas of expertise and we honored each other in those domains.

For a woman like me, one blessed this profoundly, I cannot envision another man taking advantage of me…at least not for long. There will come a day of reckoning.

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This isn’t meant to sound arrogant, prideful, or dictator-like. But I believe it is an example of the essence of authority and territory. It’s clear and unequivocal. And I am so fulfilled in it that my satisfaction is deeper than words can describe. As a woman, I am more than I thought I could be, and more complete than I knew was possible.

I mentioned to a Christian friend recently that my Daddy was a pastor and so was my brother. Their response was that I had been trained to be a good minister’s wife. But I answered, maybe but I had wanted my own ministry.

Little did I realize until now, that is just what I have. And it makes those stupid men furious.

Oh, how Father loves us and gives us the desires of our hearts. So that we might be satisfied to the fullest.

Blessings,

Faith