Last night Father asked me if I was ready to go forward now. It surprised me because I thought I was going forward all along. However, I’d confided in a friend last year that I’d lost my mojo somewhere along the way. And I’d begun to ask Father if he was still there.

In the last couple of months I’d asked Father to give me a song in the morning. It was something he’d done so often…before. But it hadn’t happened often in the last couple of years. I didn’t know why. I didn’t realize what had changed. It’s kind of ironic I didn’t connect that I wasn’t communicating with Father the same way as I had.

Now his light of revelation was showing me what had changed very clearly. I had nearly completely stopped writing…at least on any sort of regular basis. And it was how I’d spent a great deal of my time before. Writing was a platform of communication between him and I. We communed intimately while my hands were on a keyboard.

So why had I stopped writing? Well, that too was because of him. He’d distinctly told me one day to push it to a back burner and go spend time with Hunny. It wasn’t an order but rather an admonition through wise eyes. Something I should do or I’d regret it deeply.

In some ways it was difficult for me to adjust to sitting in an armchair watching TV with Hunny every day. But it wasn’t the TV we shared. That was only the impetus to open talking subjects. Pause often interrupted a show while we shared for an hour or so.

We talked about everything. Every subject we could think of, we discussed. Sharing our memories, our faith, our love, and our hopes. I’d always felt that I knew him better than anyone ever had. Now I came to know him far more than that.

When the ER doctor invited me to sit beside Hunny’s body for as long as I wished after they’d called ‘time of death’, I patted his cheek, then shook my head. There was nothing left to say. We’d already said it all. I knew exactly who he was in every way. And how he felt and thought.

I miss those long conversations now. All the interesting topics, and the laughter too. We exhausted them completely. There was simply nothing left that we hadn’t said. Including how much we loved and appreciated each other. All the things that were so important. We said them. Sometimes every day. And it’s a time I’ll cherish forever.

Now, it’s time to return to travels and adventures with Father. He’d given me an amazing treasure by putting our adventures on a shelf for 2 years while Hunny and I focused on each other. I have no regrets. Only blessings.

Regardless of our amazing relationship with each other, Hunny didn’t have exactly the same kind of relationship with Father as I have. It was profound but it was unique to them. Just as each of us are. And we truly have no business judging this in anyone. Ever.

I haven’t lost my mojo. It simply had a kind of divine Pause for Love because Father knew what was coming and what we each needed to carry into the future. But, I’m not going forward alone. Hunny knew that without question. And neither is he.

Father’s Grace is truly phenomenal.

Faith