Very unexpectedly Father gave me dreams that brought back all the emotions and thrills of my first love.

I remembered the time I got ready for the day and knew my hair was perfect, my makeup was awesome, and I was rockin’ from head to toe. And all of it was because of his eyes.  They smoldered and got that look like his heart was melting right before my eyes.  I was cherished and loved more than anyone in the world at that moment, and I knew it.

Ah, what wonderful dreams. 

So, I got my cuppa and sat at my desk staring at the mountains, while basking in the glow.  More memories flooded in and I asked Father what this was about.

Granted, I often feel like I’m floating in a world of sweet love because of Father and because of Hunny.  But I don’t often go back to the memories from the beginning.  So, I knew it was significant that Father brought them to mind.

I waited for clarity to come.  She always comes if I don’t rush her and push her.  If I wait calmly and let her, she’ll come in her time.  And she did, a couple hours later.

Suddenly, I saw qualities about first love that are different than continuing, mature love.

CRESCENDO

There was that feeling of impending crescendo.  No ride at Disney can match it.  No movie has replicated it.  And no other precious moment of my life had it.  Not like that.  They were moments filled with more expectation than Christmas morning.  I knew that his eyes would thrill me and his touch would feel electric.  And the anticipation rose to a crescendo.

The best songs and poetry are written during this time when anticipation reaches a crescendo with every sight and every slight touch.  

FOCUS

In the beginning, the overwhelming focus on each other blocked the world as though it disappeared.  There was truly no one but us.

I’ve never experienced that kind of focus in any other situation, even when I was having my babies, zillions of thoughts crossed my mind.  Even when I’m in the writer’s zone, blocking out the world, it isn’t like those moments of first love.

I could glance at him from across the room and suddenly I couldn’t hear my best friend talking.

EUPHORIA

And then there’s the euphoria that followed me around every moment of the day making it hard to do my job.  Really hard.

There have been many times of euphoric feelings in my life, and none of them matched this.  A cloud of joy filled my being and traveled with me everywhere.  It created perfect conditions in everything I did.  Like living inside a magic bubble.  Nothing could go wrong because even if it did, it turned out right.

REMEMBER IT

Clarity said that Father gave me the dreams so I could understand the importance of remembering these qualities of first love. They are the most powerful thing in the universe.  And even as I sit remembering them, the world has taken on an indescribable glow.  And I’m realizing a few things. 

We need to remember these.  Our soul craves them.  And they change our lives.

There was a moment of first love with Father God, too.  It has all those same qualities and the power to change the world.  He and I remember when we look at each other.

A crescendo of expectation permeates the atmosphere because He is looking at me in that way.  I know that His whisper touch causes electric charges that alter my existence.  His soft words in my ear vibrate the air inside and outside of me.  And because of these qualities, my surroundings change.  People are sweeter.  Situations are perfected.  And the desires of my heart appear.

This overwhelming focus on each other obliterates any kind of evil at work inside me or others around me.  There’s no room for it to exist in this atmosphere because it is fully charged.  I walk as if on clouds unable to feel anything and yet I feel everything beautiful as though it is suddenly enhanced a million times.  I’m unable to hear anything but sweetness vibrating in the air around me.  And I’m unable to see anything but perfection overtaking my surroundings.

Don’t talk to me about everything that’s wrong in the world because this is what happens when I am inside the throes of His first love.  And these are the qualities I crave all the time.  I cannot create them by a mere decision.  They simply ignite when I see His eyes, and He sees mine.  And we remember.  Nothing else exists.  Only paradise.

Paradise.  Everywhere, it’s paradise.  I’m walking on clouds with Him through paradise on earth.  And it grows wherever I step.

It doesn’t matter that the first time happened a long time ago. That crescendo, that focus, and that euphoria of first love is the very same stuff that fills my kingdom now bringing heaven to earth.

We remember.

I hadn’t realized at the time I woke from these dreams, that Father had just given me something I needed very badly.  Something that had been missing and I couldn’t figure it out. 

General anxiety was sneaking into my heart periodically.  Thoughts of sickness and death banged loudly in my head sometimes.  And bland mediocrity was coloring my kingdom.  I had cried out “Father, help me.”

And here it was. 

Now I say, “Thank you, Father, and don’t ever let it end.   Let me remember with You, the first time, every day.”

I’m sending blessings as you remember your first love, too.

Faith