A few months ago, I remember thinking how the beauty of my kingdom paradise was gradually becoming a bit boring. I couldn’t maintain the appreciation and thrill I had in the beginning. I tried. But trying becomes striving. It isn’t spontaneous and we can’t create spontaneous no matter how we try. I was getting complacent and that was a sour pill.

I should have known. Complacency is like squeezing the trigger of a gun. Something is going to happen. And I remember Father saying to me, “Change is coming. How do you want it to look?”

HOW DO YOU WANT IT TO LOOK?

He had started asking me “How do you want it to look?” a couple years ago as I was driving to work each day. And I had learned to consider the day ahead of me as if it were a blank canvas for me to paint. Whatever I painted and shared with Father, was the pattern for the day. But the biggest lesson in this school of reigning the kingdom within was learning to see the paradise inside me and then transferring that paradise onto the picture I’d paint for the world outside. It was a fabulous course, and exciting to watch the results as they played out.  They never varied from the painting.

But I stopped working 16 months ago and painting those pictures each day became unnecessary. Life at home doesn’t have the unknown aspect of going out into the public world of working. There isn’t much blank canvas here that isn’t already painted. Home has been paradise for 4 years.

So, when Father told me that change was coming, I fumbled.

CHANGE?!?

What change? How? I don’t want anything to change! And if I don’t know what the change is, then how can I paint a picture?  There were fear and frustration in this new territory, and in my lack of Peace, I tried to paint Peace.  

Well, change blew in like a tornado via new neighbors with 7 children who ran across my yard willy-nilly.  Trash and toys began taking over the landscaping, music boomed loudly, and paradise as I knew it, was gone.

But this article isn’t about children, or trash, or loud music. These were simply vehicles that brought change to my painting.  Rather, I’m writing about our reactions to changes in our kingdom.  

I had not experienced a painting change during this course of kingdom school. So, I figuratively screamed to the skies, “What does this mean, Father? Is this my external Armageddon?  Is there no protection in Your kingdom?  Are we always subject to devastation on this earth?”  I felt like a victim and I knew it was an overwhelming wave of self-pity.  So then guilt piled itself on top like a mushroom cloud.

Father said, “I don’t steal paradise or the desires of your heart. Please stop seeing me in that light and remember who I am in our relationship. I still adore you.”

Of course, I didn’t realize until that moment, that this darkness had seeped out of some of my old man’s religious beliefs and gray-washed my picture of Father. Plus, I was dredging up more old concepts by wondering if this was an attack of the devil. What?!?

“No. I’m sorry, Father. I won’t go back to that old stuff and choos to revert to old unworkable paradigms. So please, help me in this new territory to comprehend quickly and rise to this new level.”

Instantly, as I spoke I remembered the stance required for new levels.

SURRENDER

Surrender isn’t the logical or reasonable stance when it appears the world is falling apart.  But it’s the only one that actually works.  Arming myself with old weapons from old seasons and old levels only prolong the allotted time appropriate for loss and mourning and then the subsequent move forward.

Yep, I’ve learned there is an appropriate time to respond to loss when a new level arrives. Father told me years ago to take the time I need to mourn the old.  But, He also advised me not to stay there. He even pointed out the various time frames from ancient peoples. Some mourn 3 days, others a month. Plus there are aspects of mourning, like black garb, sometimes lingering a year. However, an appropriate time is intended only as a reminder to get up from our ashes and experience the new.

So I surrendered and mourned. Then I got up. Actually, I surrendered, mourned, and got up several times. It’s a process.  And Father reminded me how long it had taken me to mourn my F-150. I loved that truck. Oh what a perfect opportunity for guilt to step in and pile more anguish on me because we aren’t supposed to love material things. But Father said He gave me that truck to enjoy and it pleased Him to see me enjoy it so much. It wasn’t a bad thing. 

So, this new loss wasn’t about material things, but rather about my level of enjoyment.  Joy is a natural outflow of blessing.  And I truly enjoyed my paradise even through the complacency.

POSSIBILITIES

But, I had to get up to see the new possibilities.  There were choices in this unfamiliar territory and now that I could see them, I could investigate them. A fence was one possibility. Moving to a different property was another. So, entertaining both ideas was a fresh perspective.

The thought of moving away brought more mourning because I love this place like I loved that Ford. And if I’m going to give it up, then it should be for something better. After all, it’s only the knowledge of the blessing ahead that makes the letting go worthwhile.

Father understandingly pointed out that Jesus went to the cross and let go because He could see the Joy that lay ahead. It was what made crucifixion worthwhile.

This aspect is often missed.  I believe what happened at Gethsemane was Jesus’s moment of mourning, of letting go. The nature of letting go isn’t easy or pleasant and it’s appropriate that we mourn.

But we simply can’t stay at Gethsemane, mourning and surrendering, because it isn’t the goal. There is real Joy ahead.  And it includes resurrection.

So, we looked at other properties while we decided which fence to install. As a result, I learned a lot about the styles, materials, and sizes of fences.  I had a whole lot of choices. There are those which add remarkable beauty to the property.  Plus, I’ve learned a lot about the housing market in our area and how much our property value has increased.

All of these discoveries brought the birth of new joys and the possibilities of interesting and sometimes exciting aspects.

UNEXPECTED BLESSINGS

While we wait for the city council to grant us a Variance for our fence, we looked at more homes. And an unexpected blessing happened there too. Many of the unique ideas other people had chosen for their homes spurred new ideas for our home. Maybe a decorative window in the dining room or an accent wall of knotty pine.

Suddenly, we were excited just like we were when we first moved here. The complacency was long gone. And now I walk through the house in Peace, look out at the mountain cliffs in amazement, and smell with appreciation the fragrance of someone’s fireplace burning in the neighborhood.  I think, “I love it here!”  I’m so blessed!

Therefore, I don’t know if we’ll move soon, or sometime in the future, or never. And it’s OK to not know. I can see paradise again and daily paint the picture of Peace, splashing more beauty into the mix.  The construct of painting a picture of “what I want” isn’t lost.  But through surrender to change new creativity has blossomed.  Suddenly painting on a blank canvas is ringing true again.  

HEAVEN ON EARTH

Bringing heaven to earth isn’t about learning one concept and expecting it to stay that way forever. It’s about learning to receive change and allow the flow freely along with its moments of mourning and new blessing.  It’s about transitioning with Peace. 

The Kingdom of God within us isn’t a stagnant place.  It’s constantly flowing.  And it requires surrender to experience the new Joy’s that lay ahead.

The children are strangely quieter, they are cleaning up some of the trash, and turning down the music.  Maybe because the temps have turned colder, OR, as I choose to believe, because I can see perfection again and paint it.  

Blessings on your journey.

Faith