The most amazing thing has happened to me in the years since I began hearing God’s voice. It’s been a long, slow process that I didn’t even realize was happening … until it did.

I’ve discovered that I don’t need to hear from anyone else.

I know that sounds mean, or sarcastic, or rebellious, or arrogant. But it is none of those things at all. Rather it is absolutely saturated with Peace. It is even a more all-encompassing Peace than I knew before. And, I thought I had the best Peace before. But this is more. I don’t know how to describe it any other way.

Ironically, I used to gobble up messages from many ministries. So, many in fact that when they were contradictory in a certain area, I’d ask Father for the Truth of the matter. Then I’d continue following them all.

It was similar to that expression “eat the meat and spit out the bones”. So, I never had to completely reject any ministry. Every one of them had an infusion of Father somewhere. And I would soak that up like bread in soup.

Sometimes it felt like I couldn’t get enough and yet I worried that because I was taking in so much, I would forget some of the important aspects simply from overload. So, I asked Father to help me retain the important stuff.

That’s when He taught me an important piece of the pie. My spirit holds it all, even when my mind can’t. My spirit can retrieve it.   And that was such a comforting revelation.

Anyway, the big change that has been happening for about 4 years now, is that I rarely read or listen to anyone’s messages anymore, and I simply cannot watch a sermon at all.

So, I wondered what has happened to me. Am I impatient now? What is this about? I’m not angry at any ministry. I’m not disappointed or disillusioned with anyone. It’s as though I was in the midst of a huge community, tasting and eating constantly and eagerly.

Then about 4 years ago, I slowly wandered away from the community and went into the countryside and up a mountain. Father had been answering my questions for several years and now all I wanted to hear was His voice, His answers. I didn’t want to eat anything else.

It reminds me of when Mom and I discovered a recipe for cheesecake and were so enthralled that we made it every week for about a year. Then suddenly, we simply didn’t want it anymore. It wasn’t that we didn’t like cheesecake anymore. We were simply done making it. It was odd like someone flipped a switch.

Well, it was the same thing with ministries.  I suddenly just stopped and wandered up the mountain and now this is where I eat to my heart’s content.  This is where I learn things that I don’t hear anywhere else.

It’s a very isolating thing in many ways and oddly I want to share what I experience, and hear, and learn, but there are so few people here.  Yet, there are some who are experiencing the same thing.  There are just enough of us that we know we aren’t alone.  And that is such a welcome thing because most everyone back in the community is rejecting us.  Which hurts, of course.  It just doesn’t hurt enough to make any one of us go back.  Plus, I’m not sure we could if we wanted to.  It’s like opening floodgates.  And they are very difficult to close.

So, we keep going up the mountain and bringing back tidbits to the community who throws it on the ground.  And we go again, and again, and again.

What an odd life, don’t you think?  It’s like nothing anyone ever said could happen.  And I feel like I must look pretty weird too, but apparently, I don’t.

I watched a movie called “Martian Child” and I related to that poor kid so strongly.  Especially when everyone said, “Why can’t you just be who we want you to be?”

It’s what everyone is comfortable with, even Christians, other Christians just like them.  And if you aren’t, then you’ll at least be that kind of Christian who ruggedly grapples with scripture together with others.  They may not agree with each other, but the behavior is “normal”.

This isn’t.  It isn’t normal Christian behavior at all and I can see very clearly how frightening it must appear to many.  Me, and other’s like me, aren’t grappling with anything anymore, well, except maybe understanding the rejection and the pain of that.  Otherwise, we aren’t diving into scripture in a mad frenzy of learning and memorizing and outlining and delineating.  We did that before, and now it looks like and feels like so much work to us.  Especially since, trekking up the mountain is the easiest, simplest thing.  It’s more like going on a picnic and laying the work down.

So, maybe it’s a work ethic and we aren’t doing it right anymore.  We aren’t breaking a sweat, so it can’t be right.  And we are breaking down all the rules and accepted mores.

Who do we think we are?  Don’t we think anyone else hears from God, too?  Do we seriously think that God accepts our trekking off into the countryside when there is “soul-winning” to be done?

Well, that reminds me of Martha and Mary with Jesus.  Martha got pretty ticked off at Mary.  She didn’t seem to have the work ethic either.  But Jesus said she discovered the “one thing” and it could not be taken away from her.

I’ve heard a ton of messages about what that “one thing” is.  But, from my personal viewpoint, it’s being with and listening to Him only.  Nothing else matters or can drag me away.

I wonder if Martha ever discovered it.  Many don’t.  Some simply won’t.  And that creates a division that I don’t know how to bridge except in silence.  Because, if I speak, they won’t understand.  Nor will they find any peace in it.  It will actually cause them anxiety and concern.  And that isn’t my goal.

I wonder if Mary found a way with Martha.  Did they learn simply to live in harmony without understanding?  How can they understand, who can’t experience?  How will they ever know it as something more?

It boggles my mind that so much of what I write rocks so many boats.  And that those who see a glimpse of what I’m saying, and try to grasp the concepts, cannot fully.  It’s like that wide chasm in Luke 16.

“And besides, there is a great chasm separating us. No one can cross over to you from here, and no one can cross over to us from there.”  Luke 16:26

This verse is from Jesus’s parable about the rich man, Lazarus, and Abraham’s bosom.  I think we all know the problem with the rich man was not his money, but his lack of love.  It created the great chasm in life and it continued in death.

It isn’t a human kind of love, though.  It’s a supernatural one that only comes from Father through continued growth in relationship with Him.  Without that “one thing”, divine love can’t develop.  It isn’t within our power to create.

Even Moses and all the prophets testified to that relationship which took them past all their human abilities.  And yet still we miss understanding that “one thing” today.  We think it is devotion or dedication.  We even think it is the singly-focused study of Him.  But it’s none of those things.  It is that divinely inspired Love that compels us to commit the greatest supernatural acts we could ever conceive.  And we don’t realize that when that one symptom, those signs, and wonders, don’t accompany us in all we do, then we have not yet grasped that “one thing” that Mary, and Moses, and all the prophets did.  It’s the one thing the rich man missed and sadly a great majority of Christians today.

But it’s not something we can achieve.  It’s a place of the heart that comes through time and relationship and being “in-love” with Him.

And that’s not where I began. I don’t regret or despise where I was.  I was fed well and I’m thankful.

Now I’m here and some of you are too.  It’s the most amazing thing we’ve ever known or conceived.  And yet, it’s isolated too.

Blessings to you all.  Thank you for spending the time to hear about my journey.

Faith