I struggled with the idea of building a fence on our property because I don’t believe in rejection and it felt like rejection. But this fence isn’t about rejecting people, it’s about protecting my view.

My new neighbors’ enjoy a drop it, leave it kind of outdoor decor. A pink, fuzzy blanket hanging in a tree, or a recliner sitting beside the driveway for a few days is perfectly OK, along with garden hoses hanging from the swing glider and tires & logs strewn about like legos.

We chat with them occasionally and make jokes, and send the kids gifts for holidays. But, we don’t question their design choices because that would be rude. It very well may be an outward display of an inner condition. For me, that condition would be depression. But maybe not for them. They rake up great mounds of weeds, clearing the lot indicating purpose and planning. However, the view they’ve created depresses me.

VIEWS

This isn’t an isolated reaction from me. I feel the same inside my own home when clutter overtakes the kitchen counter or coffee table or the office. For me, a decor should only be interesting or colorful items chosen specifically for display.

But who am I to say my way is right and their’s is wrong? It’s individual taste.

Unfortunately, I hate glancing out my window these days. And I used to love looking at the glorious mountains and beautiful countryside.

So, we told our new neighbors that we were building a fence and that it was planned a long time ago so they wouldn’t be offended when it started going up. It was all true. But we left out the part about shelving that plan…….. until they moved in.

PARTIALLY FINISHED

A few days ago, a large section of the fence went up and covered my view of their yard from my window. And when I looked out for the first time, exhilaration filled me like a precious gift. There stood upright natural log slabs blocking everything except those glorious mountains, the winter-bare trees, and the bluest sky. And my heart soared in celebration.

But I was puzzled too. Why had this affected me so strongly?

And Father answered, “It’s the same as watching certain movies.”

Instantly I understood.

Hunny and I don’t watch horror, gore, or violence in films because the descent into that unpleasant cave can last for days coloring everything. Each of us has an endless loop of pictures running through our mind each day and its content is created by us. So, gradually we became more careful about those choices. Unfortunately, the scene next door hasn’t changed in four months.

Many years ago I was in a car accident and I saw the truck coming toward us. The driver was looking at the sky and didn’t see us. Instinctively I covered my eyes. Afterward, my traumatized mind could only play a looping picture of the truck coming toward us. Not the impact. Not the metal crunching. And I believe I healed more quickly because my mental pictures were limited.

PROTECTION

But we can’t protect ourselves from random sights. Can we? Is it possible? I have come to believe it is not only possible, but it’s part of our ruling and reigning responsibilities.

The mental picture of my new neighbor’s yard was renewed in my mind daily. And my helpless depression grew.

Father had tried to warn me. I’d heard him ask a couple times, “What if someone else buys that empty house next door?” But I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Maybe because I missed Phil, our elderly friend who’d lived there, and passed on to eternity last year. It was still his house in my heart. And after struggling over Father’s question a while, I’d walk away saying simply, “Just let the new neighbors be peaceful.”

Well, they are peaceful. My words manifested correctly. Father always respects my words for my kingdom. Plus he gave me a year to accept Phil’s exit. But, I hadn’t completed the work. I had left a mostly blank slate about the future of the house.

Adam and Eve governed everything about the Garden and I believe the snake represented things like my empty house next door. The things we sweep aside because we can’t deal with them and decide what should be. So, we leave a blank slate and ignore it. I think the snake had been around the Garden the whole time and Adam and Eve ignored it because they couldn’t deal with its presense.

THE BLANK SLATE

Blank slates bring trials because emptiness will be filled with something. And if I don’t fill a blank slate that affects my kingdom then it will be filled by someone else’s words. This particular one was filled by Phil’s cousin who only wanted a buyer, any buyer.

I could have spent more time paying attention to that spirit feeling of incompletion and filling that blank slate with new inspiration, and new ideas. I could have sat with Father longer until peace cleared the way for me to create something. But sometimes the avoidance is deep and a walk through the swamp of trial is the only thing that will dredge it out.

It’s not our ideal answer but on the other hand, hell can’t hold me either. Sure, I’ll experience the abject loneliness of the cross. (“Father, why have you forsaken me?”) But only for a time. And when I surrender, I’ll be resurrected once again.

FIRST CHOICE

I have first choice to say something about anything that affects my kingdom. For instance, I saw a fatal accident once and said, “I never want to see another.” I’ve also said, “I don’t want to see scary supernatural apparitions.” Sometimes my statements may seem menial like, “I’ll never get another speeding ticket.” But, the choice of words is mine and they are heard clearly because this is my kingdom. So, Father honors them.

That’s because I recognize The Kingdom inside me. It isn’t a mystery anymore. It’s my Garden, my New Jerusalem, the place where I’m the ruling entity. My words govern what belongs to me or concerns me or exists in my world on earth. Father gave me my kingdom just as he gave you yours. And we sit on a throne beside Jesus so he can guide us with tips about how the ruling is done. He shows us who we really are and the power of our words from this place. This is where we access the power to orchestrate what may come and what may not.

For four years I’ve enjoyed a blessed life of glorious mountains, blue skies, and nature. And it often overwhelms my soul with bliss. Paradise is alive and well within me and around me on earth ….until my new neighbors moved in.

THE FALL

So, I fell from my throne floundering in shock at how quickly I descended into a hell of depression. It was the perfect scenario for that dark voice to resurrect within me and say, “See, you’re crazy after all. You weren’t living a blessed life. It was all just coincidence.”

But I don’t believe in coincidences. Nothing exists that isn’t orchestrated. So, it was time to remember the secrets I’ve learned about going through hellish trials. They come to an end, eventually and they aren’t permanent unless I accept hell as the new scenery in my kingdom. My words. They are paramount. So, I must be careful how I use them.

Even if I have to bite down hard on my tongue, I refuse to abdicate my kingdom via a few foolish words spoken in frustration and desperation. I WILL come out the other side as long as I surrender only to Father. And pepper my experience heavily with patience and endurance. Then I’ll come out holding a new key to my kingdom. It’s one I didn’t have before and it will insulate me from this particular hell in the future.

THE KEY

My key this time was a fence. And part of my trial was to learn that this particular fence wasn’t about rejecting my neighbors and resenting them. I can’t love them unconditionally from that place. This fence was about learning to feed my eyes only beauty and to protect what they see.

I’d learned a portion of this lesson years ago when we lived in Denver. Next door was a metal artist’s work yard and it was full of metal scraps which weren’t attractive in their raw state. So, I bought lacy sheer curtains to obstruct my view and it worked. That neighbor didn’t think twice about my sheers.

But this neighbor could have been offended by my fence so my trial was to discover this fence’s objective so guilt couldn’t assail my conscience. A clear conscience is essential for peace.

THE OBSTACLES

Trials consist of desperate emotions stemming from its inherent obstacles where choices must be made.

So sometimes we rationalize when faced with an obstacle. That usually means buying into a convincing lie. But like stuffing a broken heart into a closet in our mind, it will come out somehow, in more unpleasant manifestations. Blatant truth and honesty is prerequisite.

And sometimes we pray ineffectively. I couldn’t pray for my neighbors to clean up their yard because Father doesn’t impose upon free will and I’d only frustrate myself by expecting him to do so. It is a wasted, powerless religious ritual.

Another obstacle is learning that surrender to Father doesn’t include surrendering to other’s or their choices. Father gave me unconditional freedom. He doesn’t ask me to surrender it to others in the name of peace by relinquishing my choices and the gifts he’s given me, but rather to surrender the entirety of them, intact, only to him so he can create the way.

Neither does he ask me to view others as a mission field. This is also an obstacle. He gave them free will and a kingdom of their own. Their learning to rule is his job within them, not mine to intrude there. I must only believe that he’s in the process of teaching them just as he’s teaching me. Uniquely, individually, and personally. This is the gift of unconditional love.

One more obstacle was to understand that he didn’t give me The Kingdom so that life on earth could transform it into itself. Its purpose is to bring heaven to earth. And that’s uncompromising.

TO SEE

His Kingdom qualities of perfection, beauty, and glory exist inside each person. But right now my neighbors most likely can’t see that magnificence inside themselves, their kingdom. And that’s why they exhibit a bit of a mess on earth. It’s the choice they’ve made….for now.

People often do things from free will that deeply troubles our heart. Like drugs, which appear to be rampant. But its simply another manifestation of immaturity and inability to see their kingdom.

If I’m going to do anything truly effective for their benefit, then I must first surrender to Father so I can love them unconditionally. It’s from there that I can envision them inside their own glorious kingdom and celebrate the lavish love that exists there right now. Just because they can’t see it yet, and aren’t manifesting it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. It exists just as fully as mine does and yours does because Father created it inside us all. They can’t see it now, but they will.

Meantime, Father said he will provide a way of escape for us when we are touched by someone who is blind. And when he provides my escape, he intends for me to receive it as the unique answer to this particular trial. It’s my key.

And that’s why this fence is my key. Not for rejection to separate me from my neighbors, but to protect my looping mental pictures so I can maintain my inner Garden in unconditional beauty.

Blessings to you on your journey.

Faith

“…. every knee shall bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth…” Philippians 2:10 TLB