In one of those unexpected flashes of enlightenment, I knew the answer to the question; who am I in Christ. It didn’t come from my intellect. It came instantly with one of those small flash visions. The kind where a scene passes through my mind so quickly that I almost ignore it. But, I saw it, and captured it, and savored it. I saw MY body with Christ in it, and I was in him too. We were completely melded into the Being that now exists and walks around every day.
He isn’t outside me, walking beside me. He is inside me. Part of me. He IS me. And I am inside him. I AM him. We are mixed together just like my cup of hot water in the morning when I dip my tea bag. The tea and water become something that neither of them was before. And they cannot be separated.
christ
Christ may have always been inside me and I wasn’t aware of him. I didn’t realize at the moment I bought the shoestring licorice against my mother’s wishes, that my guilty conscience was him standing up screaming to be recognized.
Nor did I realize that when I said a prayer to “accept Christ into my heart”, that he was already there and my prayer could have been more aptly described as an acknowledgment of him.
However, it’s been many, many years since that prayer, and it was yesterday that I saw us as melded irreversibly. The concept has been with me a long time and I’ve often described us as a hybrid Being. But I’d never “seen” it until now.
That vision puts a whole new spin on life for me. Christ isn’t outside of me holding my hand. I AM him, and he IS me. We are one Being.
the two
(the following is slightly tongue-in-cheek)
Oddly, there are still two entities inside me. There is the part that’s Christ/me, and I’ll call that entity, Chuck. Then there’s the part of me that’s alone and selfish. I’ll call him Beans. Sometimes I’ve used the word Ego to describe Beans. But I’m not sure it’s an accurate description. And it doesn’t really matter if I find an accurate label for him because Beans isn’t eternal. He’s a transitional Being that’s slowly, and gradually being integrated into Chuck, who is eternal.
I like perceiving the integration because it brings more thorough contentment in me and it reigns more consistently. I’m encouraged that one day I will never again hear the selfish banter of the untransformed Beans.
Meantime, I’m learning to stop pushing Beans into a far-away mind-closet, pretending that he doesn’t exist. Pretending that I’m only Chuck and that Beans doesn’t exist at all. He does! And shoving him into a closet so others can’t see him, only makes Chuck look extremely hypocritical. But it’s the politically correct thing to do: insist that he’s gone and is never coming back. What a bunch of hooey!
understanding
However, when Chuck listens to Beans and understands his hidden motives, it un-ties Beans’ shoelaces and removes his sword. This is how Beans is exposed and known. And it’s in his exposure that Chuck begins to understand him. Not to incriminate him, or condemn him, nor to imprison him, or shove him into a closet by lying about his existence, but rather to transform him.
Beans can be transformed through Love but Love can’t come until understanding comes first. Then after Love has arrived it has the power to un-tie Beans’ Fear shoelaces and removes his sword of self-protection. Those were the things that made him vile.
becoming one
Obviously, this is a form of self-love, but understanding Beans doesn’t give him more power to be vile. Rather, it prepares him for the transformation that will unify them and make them one person. No longer two entities.
Remember the war of Armageddon? It was never about annihilating planet Earth. It was always about the battle within us to understand, accept, and LOVE Beans so he can come home to Chuck and be safe without Fear, forevermore.
This is how Christ in me, becomes me in Christ.
Blessings on your journey with Chuck and Beans.
Faith