Once upon a time, I said, “Father, I’m so tired of being afraid of being deceived. It’s like walking around on eggshells worried that I’m hearing the wrong things in the world, or wrong preachers, or even wrong things from my Self. How would I ever know, anyway? If a person is deceived, they’re the last one to know.

Everyone relies on someone else to tell them the truth. But how can that be reliable? There’s some kind of deception happening in every life. Apparently, we’re all a hot mess! Blind leading the blind. Who can possibly be honest and guarantee their word, or advice, or instruction, is from you?

What are the results of our intentionality? I wondered.  So, a couple of years ago I joined a small group of friends to pray over some current events and look into our spirits for guidance. The whole point was to intentionally cause good outcomes for bad situations. But after a couple of sessions, I left the group. It didn’t feel right, and I didn’t know why.

Today I remembered that experience and still didn’t know why I’d been so uncomfortable. Trying to evaluate my response to no avail, I asked Father and then let it go.

Here’s a small example of what I see in scripture these days.

Eph. 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

Those heavenly places are not out there, somewhere external. (Not unless you’re going to the Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs. It’s truly heavenly.)

Jesus said the kingdom of God is within you and it’s the same place as the kingdom of Heaven. They are not two different places and it isn’t difficult to understand that all those heavenly places talked about in scripture, are within us.

Well, I haven’t prayed for American in a long time. Please don’t throw stuff at me! I honestly do not believe my vote means anything to this country or the powers that rule it. So, I don’t play their game which I see as blatant manipulation and programming to turn me into a “sheeple”.

It completely astounds me that the Christian community has swallowed the kool-aid and still believes that they matter like they did in 1950. (And that year might even be too recent.)

In one of those unexpected flashes of enlightenment, I knew the answer to the question; who am I in Christ. It didn’t come from my intellect. It came instantly with one of those small flash visions. The kind where a scene passes through my mind so quickly that I almost ignore it. But, I saw it, and captured it, and savored it. I saw MY body with Christ in it, and I was in him too. We were completely melded into the Being that now exists and walks around every day.

He isn’t outside me, walking beside me. He is inside me. Part of me. He IS me. And I am inside him. I AM him. We are mixed together just like my cup of hot water in the morning when I dip my tea bag. The tea and water become something that neither of them was before. And they cannot be separated.

I struggled with the idea of building a fence on our property because I don’t believe in rejection and it felt like rejection. But this fence isn’t about rejecting people, it’s about protecting my view.

My new neighbors’ enjoy a drop it, leave it kind of outdoor decor. A pink, fuzzy blanket hanging in a tree, or a recliner sitting beside the driveway for a few days is perfectly OK, along with garden hoses hanging from the swing glider and tires & logs strewn about like legos.

We chat with them occasionally and make jokes, and send the kids gifts for holidays. But, we don’t question their design choices because that would be rude. It very well may be an outward display of an inner condition. For me, that condition would be depression. But maybe not for them. They rake up great mounds of weeds, clearing the lot indicating purpose and planning. However, the view they’ve created depresses me.

Writing about The Kingdom is now a gift of unconditional freedom for me.  It’s comparable to a photographer who’s been given carte blanche to travel the world and photograph everything.

Carte blanche, a blank check, a free hand means no one is standing over my shoulder issuing directions, criticizing, correcting, or otherwise injecting their opinion or even their expertise. It all comes from within me without adulteration. But with that much freedom comes missteps, self-doubts, hardships and rising fears.

The first time Father asked me what I wanted, I was shocked and then scared. How could God ask me such a thing? I didn’t have the wisdom to be so daring. But he insisted. He wanted me to be daring. And he wanted to cover my back, support me, and love me, while I was venturing into unknown territory. He wasn’t going to dictate my journey anymore. Rather, he wanted to know what I wanted because it was time for me to grow, and he would enjoy watching me spread my wings in freedom. He would cover me, always.

Having Faith with power appears to be a hit or miss situation in the Christian community.  Some Christians don’t even believe in a manifestation of power.  And yet, that was the one thing that caused Jesus to stand out from the crowd.

I always got stuck on the thing Jesus said about doing greater things than Him.  And I used to ask preachers and teachers throughout my life, where these greater things existed.  Their shrugs and raised eyebrows left me wondering why they had any following whatsoever.  The faith they were sharing was basically powerless.  And the preachers who pursued any power at all were almost exclusively focused on healing.

A few months ago, I remember thinking how the beauty of my kingdom paradise was gradually becoming a bit boring. I couldn’t maintain the appreciation and thrill I had in the beginning. I tried. But trying becomes striving. It isn’t spontaneous and we can’t create spontaneous no matter how we try. I was getting complacent and that was a sour pill.

I should have known. Complacency is like squeezing the trigger of a gun. Something is going to happen. And I remember Father saying to me, “Change is coming. How do you want it to look?”